DAYS 223-229 – 26 October-1 November 2020

So our half term week gets a big tick! After careful consideration of the regulations both here and north of the border we decided to spend it in Aberdeen. We didn’t see anyone except for Grandma, who took over essential childcare duties, much to our relief. And after yesterday’s announcement we feel pretty relieved that we did given the uncertainty over where things will be by Christmas and beyond.

The weather always had the potential to be problematic but actually it was pretty nice, well until Storm Aiden arrived. Lots of trips to the park and bike rides with E makes Daddy a happy boy. And by the look of the permanent grin on M’s face, he loved every minute of being in Scotland too! Oh except for his second bath time accident which was far less interesting the second time round and even E just rolled her eyes and shouted that “M has pooped in the bath. Again!” I’m a tad surprised this didn’t make the week’s top 5 but with every day feeling like a highlight I’ve had a job cutting it down to just 5 for your enjoyment:

1. Ice Cream – I mean who even eats ice cream at the end of October? Well, I now know the answer to that and apparently my kids will eat ice cream in any weather. We headed to the beach this week, apparently because Grandma said we needed to get some good sea air into our lungs, but really it was so I could take E along the new (and very expensive) cycle lanes before they are removed. She agreed but only if I took her and her brother (they are now working as a pair) for an ice cream afterwards. That was fine with me but I only bought 3 ice creams having decided I would share mine with M. I mean how much can a 2 year old really eat? It turns out quite a lot as he ate most of mine. And E’s. And very happily finished off his Mammy’s one too. I won’t make that mistake again! 🍦

2. Scolty – I decided to take the family up Scolty for the first time. Now this was a big part of my childhood and I remember climbing this hill (half an hour outside of Aberdeen) multiple times. We’ve talked about doing it on previous trips up north but never got round to it. And so we headed off. I thought E would probably reach the summit under her own steam but assumed there would be a bit of carrying needed for M. I was psyched up ready for some lifting but soon realised that I had completely underestimated his independent approach to challenges and he refused every offer of help, making it all the way up and down all by himself. She’ll hate me for including this in my diary, but he even got to the top before his Mammy – the promise of a rock bun when he got there clearly made the difference! Would you believe that the treat they asked for when we got back to the car was another ice cream? Of course you would! 🧗‍♂️

3. Sleeping – Whilst the daytimes were full of adventures and memory making, the nighttimes were just as interesting this week. We had a strange sleeping arrangement, meaning each night there was a debate as to which parent was sleeping with which child. E was in one room with twin beds and M in the other in a Queen bed. As a true gentleman I let Steph pick every night and more often than not she picked the twin room (very sensibly!) so that left me to bunk in with M. I was okay with that but the wake up calls in the morning were a bit of pot luck. One morning I was woken up by him serenading me with some lovely songs he was making up, and on another he had found a balloon and was dragging his fingers over it to make that awful screechy noise. My favourite was the morning he just rolled over and started giving me kisses. And fear not, I didn’t get confused in my drowsy state, as the copious amount of dribble immediately identified who was kissing me! 😴

4. Halloween – E was super excited all week about what she wanted to do for Halloween, even though we were away from home and not able to trick or treat anyway. The pressure was therefore on her parents to make the day a success. Boy did we give it a good go! Ghost crumpets for breakfast, Halloween themed cupcakes, bat balloons, a couple of spookily carved pumpkins, bobbing for apples then ducking for sweets in flour, a viewing of Nightmare Before Christmas and that only got us to lunchtime. The outfits came out later on, and my little witch and Frankenstein monster were really in the zone. I had my Joker costume complete with scary mask ready for the swimming club quiz. Steph was worried I was going to scare M but it turned out he preferred me with the mask on and insisted I keep it on my face all evening. I’m not sure what that says about me… 👺

5. Lockdown – Saturday turned into a bit of a horror show, and not just because of the date. After the unfortunate “leaking” of the news the night before, I spent much of the day waiting for formal confirmation of what shape the second lockdown was going to take, particularly if it meant we might have to hot foot it back home at short notice. Like many, we had the news on from 4pm although of course nothing actually happened until nearly 7pm. Fortunately we had the kids to entertain us, as they had their own unique takes on the coverage. M was delighted by the repeated camera shots of the closed black door in Downing Street and just kept shouting out “ten!” which as you already know is his favourite of all the numbers. What a clever boy! E, meanwhile, kept asking is the news was real as she knows her kids programmes on tv aren’t. We tried to explain the difference but at one point she just gave up and said “Don’t be silly. Of course it’s not real. They are all puppets and making it up!” My 5 year old engaging in political satire! This parenting malarkey is a doddle – winning at life! 😆

DAYS 216-222 – 19-25 October 2020

Well, where did that week go? I know that sometimes weeks disappear in an instant because you are so busy, but in 2020 how am I busy? Nowhere to go and nothing to do except work and get the kids to and from school and nursery. Yet it is once again Sunday night and not just any Sunday night. It is the start of October half term which means the relief of sending E back to school last month is over and we have her 24/7 for 10 days. And it is the full 10 days because the school tagged on an in service day on Friday. I don’t blame them really – I’m not surprised they need a break!

Despite how busy work has been this week, the kids continue to keep us on our toes. During lockdown I seem to have fine tuned my sixth sense of knowing when trouble or danger is afoot. Let’s be honest, it’s normally when M is involved, but I really wouldn’t have it any other way. How is it possible for 2 small children to fill your heart with so much joy and angst at the same time? As usual, they feature heavily in this week’s top 5…

1. We start this week with M’s attempt to burn down our house. I’m certainly not starting small, which might give you an indication of what a week we have had! Now normally Steph and I head to bed at the same time, but if we don’t I’m always up later than her. Well not this week, as I’ve felt exhausted so I headed up shortly before Steph on Tuesday night. I got into bed with my reading lamp on and had a quick flick through my social media as usual. I thought I could smell something strange but then realised I had succumbed to pressure and put the heating on so it would just be the radiators heating up for the first time in 10 months. The smell was getting stronger however and so I got out of bed to check. It was only after I’d given up and headed back into bed having found nothing than I noticed the lamp was billowing out smoke. It turned out that M had stuffed in some nice flammable material, which had been noticed by my wife but she didn’t think to mention. The result was very nearly a large fire but fortunately I managed to unplug the hazard thereby averting disaster. I dread to imagine what his next attempt will entail! 🔥

2. I wondered downstairs one night this week to find the kids playing really nicely together and just in time for the start of their game of hide and seek. Mammy and me were dragged into play and I must confess it was the most fun I’d had in ages! M was so incredible cute at putting his hands over his eyes and counting to 10 whilst his hiding left a lot to be desired as he seemed adamant he would sing at all times and jump out to scare his sister. For her part she did really well at pretending she couldn’t see him (even when he was standing in the middle of the room in basically the only place in the house which couldn’t be described as a hiding place!) Oh how we laughed and it was just a joyous experience in a year which has been so tough. It also reminded me that the simple things in life really are the best! 🙈

3. Mini me has continued to thrive at nursery and I really do enjoy dropping him off and picking him up. Seeing how much he looks forward to going in really does lift my heart and helps to limit any parenting guilt I might feel about having him booked into childcare three days a week. Collection time is always interesting, particularly because of the feedback I get about how he has done that day. I’m slowly learning the euphemisms used by the nursery staff and what they really mean. Here’s some examples of what I heard this week and what I think they were trying to say :

“He really is settling in well” actually means “He really isn’t bothered when you drop him off and he forgets about you within 3 seconds.”

“He certainly is a character” actually means “He’s a right handful and pretty exhausting.”

“He particularly enjoyed the mud kitchen today” actually means “He’s completely filthy and if you find dirt in his mouth, don’t blame us as he did it all himself!”

“He is such a happy child” actually means “He finds everything hilarious and even when we think he’s hurt himself he just laughs and laughs particularly after fooling us into giving him some hugs first!”

They love him really, I’m sure! 😈

4. E’s very special relationship with food is continuing as is her rather blunt reviews of school dinners. One day this week, she apparently would have tried her broccoli but she didn’t have time and she had to pick between that and cake. So she picked the cake and it was delicious. I’ll confess I completely understood but made clear in my firmest tone that next time she should find time to eat her greens! The next morning I was dragged downstairs before the sun was even up and treated to a make believe cafe experience. Don’t ask me why but there were only three things on the menu: a chicken nugget wrap (pretty safe and expected given it is one of her favourites), soup with mango (oh dear) or pasta with banana (need I say more!?) I suspect chef might also now be crossed off the future career list! 👩‍🍳

5. Dear oh dear. Those of a weak disposition might want to stop reading now. My last entry relates to the showers that the kids have started demanding as apparently they are more fun that baths. We have been doing this for a few weeks now and actually they have been going really well. Without incident one might say. Until this week. Sadly. I put the kids in as normal and Steph and I were in the bedroom chatting about nothing in particular. E then called out asking what the “squirly” thing was. I assumed it was perhaps some hair which Steph has a habit of leaving in the shower or maybe, if I was lucky, a spider. She called out again so Steph went to investigate. The noise my wife made at that point is not one I will forget for a long time. I immediately knew we had a serious problem! I’m sorry to report that M had made a deposit, and sadly not of a financial nature. I’m led to believe that this isn’t necessarily uncommon in the bath, but having never experienced it before with either of my offspring, the sight of them both pressed up against the wall watching excrement circulate around my en suite shower tray is not something I am able to push out from my mind. Bless my wife for donning the marigolds and cleaning everything up and I just pray we don’t ever have a repeat performance! 💩

DAYS 209-215 – 12-18 October 2020

On the one hand the last week seems to have passed in the blink of an eye and it only seems like yesterday I was writing my diary entry. On the other, there were definitely bits of the week which dragged big time! I guess 2020 was always going to end in tiers! (I’m here all night!)

School, nursery, work, shopping and Halloween decorations – just a standard 2020 week in the life of the Lows. The weather was pretty miserable, except for Wednesday when I had to go and stand in a field, so I guess maybe that constitutes a bit of luck. I never thought the new Government website would match me to such a different career – a scarecrow. I guess it plays to my strengths, as I have a history of scaring away the birds. Anyway, enough of my ridiculous jokes and on with this week’s big top 5:

1. I’d like you to cast your mind back to last Monday morning. Perhaps you awoke feeling energised and excited for the week ahead. Perhaps you had a dose of the Monday blues and didn’t really want to get up. Either way, I hope you weren’t woken by your daughter shaking you as she stood by the side of your bed. I was pretty bleary eyed and my first thought was that it was still pretty dark outside. My second thought was that she seemed to be fully dressed for school. It was only then that I looked at my watch and realised it was 5.30am. Someone was keen to get learning! Apparently she thought she would surprise us by getting herself ready when she woke up but didn’t think to consider what the time was. And so my week began…. 🥱

2. This week our home deliveries continued although I think that’s the same up and down the country. Steph dealt with one in particular and when trying to shut the door M shouts out ‘Bye Bye’. Mammy was over the moon with his words but when the delivery guy shouts ‘Goodbye!’ it was M who was pleased as punch. His words are coming along nicely although he has decided that his numbers must always finish at 10. No matter how many things we are counting, if we finish at a different number he just shouts “NO! Ten!” In a sign of pretty questionable parenting, I’ve started only counting things with him if there are 10 of them! 🤓

3. Steph has continued with her running (only on the dry days!) and I even managed to get out on a bike ride. This outdoor exercise malarkey definitely gets more challenging, the closer we get to Christmas. The kids aren’t particularly bothered but they keep themselves entertained most of the time.

Steph – E can you come here?

Silence

Steph – E can you come here?

Silence

Steph – E can you come here?

Silence

Steph – E, I have some chocolate for you.

In walks E with Steph’s headphones on.

E – Sorry I didn’t hear you, I’ve got headphones on.

Now the headphones weren’t connected to any music so I suspect the selective hearing is back with a vengeance! 🙉

4. Grandad had to pop round this week to drop off some things at the front door for M. I was out picking E up from school at the time so assumed we would miss him, but by sheer coincidence we pulled up just as he was leaving. E was overjoyed to see him through the car window but then she screwed her face up. When I asked her what was wrong she told me that he shouldn’t be here. Why not? I asked. Apparently he is meant to stay away in case he accidentally kills us. The impact this whole virus has had on young kids is really quite worrying although upon reflection she didn’t actually mention the virus, so maybe she just thinks she’s related to a mass murderer. Perhaps she knows something I don’t know… 🕵️

5. Sundays have become our artistic days. This was helped by E being able to go back to her stage school classes yesterday and let her inner diva out. We have therefore been treated to all sorts of dances today, mostly made up and I would describe them all as definitely “contemporary”! She chose her own outfit today and wore her Christmas jumper whilst insisting Steph wore her matching one too. The Halloween decorations have been completed and our window display is now up. I don’t care that it’s so early as the girls have really enjoyed having the project. Part of the artistic day also includes home baking/cooking and today E made chocolate mousse for our dessert. I didn’t think she could top the bread and butter pudding last Sunday but I think she might have managed. She certainly topped the calorie count!! I’m very excited to see what next Sunday will bring to my sweet tooth. 🍫

DAYS 201-208 – 4-11 October 2020

I tell you something, dear reader, it was very odd not spending my evening a week ago tonight writing my diary entry. I thought it would be a bit of a relief but actually I’ve really missed it.

It’s been a very strange week to be honest, with a lot of ups and downs. I’ve felt at points that I’ve just been “existing” rather than actually living life. Busy at work, carting the kids back and forth to school/nursery and generally staying in the house a lot. And of course we have an announcement to look forward to tomorrow, as we find out what new restrictions we will be subjected to. But fear not. Any low moment is only fleeting in this house as in the blink of an eye one of the little darlings come charging in and you can’t help but smile. They are a perfect tonic in any situation (and available for hire 😉) and now when I look back I realise this week was actually all about pretend sleepovers, toothpaste wars, Halloween dressing up rehearsals and E moving up a reading level. These are the important things and not anything else!

It’s been really tough to pick a weekly top 5 but lets give it a go:

1. I felt we should start with a bit shout out to my amazing wife. She gets a bit of a tough time in my diary and is really very patient. But this week she deserves some credit as she’s successfully completed her latest week on her Couch 2 5k journey. She asked for my support and so I slapped on my running shoes and went to keep her company. I say that, but actually she headed out first as I’m never ready on time and I said I would just catch her up. I didn’t really appreciate how much of an effort that would be as I ended up sprinting around the loop and only managed to catch up with her for the last section. It was the weirdest race I’ve ever been involved in. I suspect the local residents thought it was a bit odd there was a strange bloke trying to chase her down but only on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday. 🏃‍♀️

2. Next up we have a classic E conversation. There’s rather a lot of them to consider when doing this weekly as opposed to daily and I’m just trying to stick with the most memorable!

Daddy sits down to watch Have I Got News For You.

E – “I love this programme. It’s hilarious!”

Daddy – “how on earth would you know that?”

E – “sniff my fingers Daddy”

Daddy – “why?”

E – “they don’t smell nice. They smell bottomly.”

Daddy – “what even is that?”

E – “they smell of my bottom.”

Daddy – “why is that? Have you just been to the toilet?”

E – “yes”

Daddy – “did you wash your hands?”

E – “no”

Daddy – “well get back in there and wash them.”

E – “do you want to smell them first?” 😩

3. Mini me has been absolutely loving nursery and in fact is just loving life. He tears around like there’s no tomorrow (maybe he knows something we don’t!) and continues to flirt with all of the nursery staff. Live life to the max – that’s what I say! His current favourite game is to jump up and down on our bed after having his bottle of milk so that it jiggles around in his tummy and makes a sloshing sound. It freaks Steph out and of course that just makes him want to do it more. They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree but I’m not leaving anything to chance and am working very hard on his flirting and practical joking skills. 😝

4. E waved me and M off on Wednesday morning and afterwards she stood outside waiting for Mammy to take her to school. Steph decided to ask what was she doing?

E – “I am gazing at an old friend”

Steph – “who?”

E – “you know Mammy, our old friend”

Steph – “sorry E I don’t know who you’re talking about” (looking around)

E – “you know Mammy, Mr Moon. Do you think he’ll recognise me now? I’ve grown quite a bit.” 🌛

5. Given that we’ve not gone out anywhere, there have been a lot of house based activities occurring. The crafting continues and we now appear to have more Halloween decorations than a single house could ever possibly need. Weirdly the Christmas card designing process started today which, even by our standards, is ridiculously early. Daddy has kept well out of it and instead has been baking with the kids. Today’s challenge was a chocolate croissant bread and butter pudding which worked a treat. Unfortunately there are 10,000 calories a slice but life is for living! E thought the nutmeg smelt a bit strong and after polishing off her slice she suggested we use a bit less next time. When I proposed half measures she simply replied “maybe we just use none.” I love a girl who knows her own mind! 🥐

DAY 200 – 3 October 2020

A double century and that’s me. 200 consecutive days of spending every single evening writing a diary entry and I’m checking out. This most definitely was not the plan when I started back in March but I guess it’s just become a habit. I’m intending to still write something at the end of each week, so fear not you will still find out all about the escapades of my little monsters, but just not on a daily basis.But before we end, there is still a top 5 to run through for a very wet Saturday. Deep breaths everyone…

1. After an extremely rough night where M joined us in bed not once but twice, it was very much a sluggish start to the weekend. I was determined to get my jobs done in the morning so we could have a nice relaxing afternoon so headed off to the butchers and bakers before anyone else was washed or dressed. When I arrived home I found out there had been a group washing session from which I was excluded. I really didn’t mind! Steph had jumped in the shower and then had a little visitor who just stood and watched. E then arrived and proceeded to strip both of them down so they ended up all in together. At least I’d managed to keep my clothes on in the butchers. 🚿

2. I’d told Steph I was going to pop to the bakers and pick up a quiche for lunch. Cue the eye rolling. “Well I won’t eat that as they always put onion in” (they don’t by the way…) “and the kids won’t eat it either.” I ignored her and bought the quiche anyway along with an individual steak pie for her. Imagine her surprise when the kids ate it all up and E commented on how tasty it was. To be fair I was surprised too as I thought it would be a battle, but don’t tell her I had any doubt. I just put on an air of supreme confidence and my amazing kids pulled through for me. Never loved them more!! 🥧

3. The kids slapped on their wellies and we all headed out together for a bit of essential shopping this afternoon. Three different shops were needed as the rain poured down. Unbelievably M fell asleep just as we pulled up to shop number one so Steph offered to stay in the car with the kids whilst I did the necessary. He was still asleep at shop number two and so I ran in with E, and when we pulled up to shop number 3 and saw a massive queue out in the rain, the gentle snoring behind me made clear only one thing was about to happen. I’m sure he enjoyed his nap, and my wife enjoyed sitting in the car staying bone dry but I’m thinking I might go back to the online shop option. 🌧

4. At shop number 3 E wanted to have a look at the Halloween decorations to supplement the homemade ones we are still preparing. We ended up also having a quick whizz around the home furnishings in the next aisle and E started telling me all about how important Christmas is and she thinks we need to get some Christmassy things for the house. The next thing I knew a Christmas reindeer throw was in the basket and I was told in no uncertain terms it could not be removed. How do I end up being bossed around by a 5 year old? Anyway, we’ve got it now and Steph has announced tonight it’s really cosy as a blanket so maybe it was a good purchase. Oh and it’s never to early for Christmas in the Low household!🎅🏼

5. After a bit of a break, I hosted an autumn special quiz for the swimming club tonight. I had my amazing wife for assistance and she basically wrote the whole thing for me. She did a cracking job. Except for the once question with the wrong correct answer marked. Fortunately, every single person got the answer right (and therefore wrong) so it didn’t impact on the scores at all. I need to tread carefully with this one as she really needs to up her game in future but I don’t want to risk her withdrawing her amazing quiz writing skills. I’m really very lucky she doesn’t ready my diary! 🤨

DAY 199 – 2 October 2020

And so we arrive at the penultimate daily entry into my diary. It’s been quite a journey but I’ve had my amazing children and long suffering wife to keep my company. Although their most common utterance over the last 199 days has been “are you nearly there yet?” In fact you know this whole thing has gone too far when your 5 year old looks up and says “that’ll be a good thing to put in your blog!”

I’ve had one of my wife’s special French Martinis so apologies in advance for any typos tonight. She tells me she put less gin in than normal, but I really don’t believe her! Onwards and upwards into the top 5:

1. Friday mornings are all about bounding out of bed and getting going early because everyone knows the sooner you start, the sooner you finish. Try telling my kids that! We actually had to wake M up and when we went to get his sister up she was sitting reading books and very reluctant to leave her room. She’s turned into a right bookworm recently. By the time I finally got them downstairs and made their toast for breakfast, I wasn’t paying too much attention to what was happening. Schoolboy error! Apparently the triangles I cut for M were exactly right and therefore the squares I cut for E were completely wrong. How dare I?! This parenting lark is so difficult especially when their entirely reasonable demands change day to day! 🍞

2. Steph was lucky enough to do the school run this afternoon and found E waiting with a pair of paper dragon wings she had made. Because she was wearing them she couldn’t wear her coat or her bag but apparently it was all just too much for her to carry. “I just can’t do it Mammy. These wings are so heavy so you’ll just need to carry all of my things for me.” Who knew that paper wings were such a weight? Definitely no exaggeration there. 🐉

3. I came home from work to find out that E had achieved 100% in her spelling test at school today. I was overjoyed that all the work we have been doing has paid off. I can only assume she got the naughty words out of the way earlier in the week so she wouldn’t trip up today. And as with everything success just means moving on to the next level which is even harder. I’ve had a quick look ahead and next week they have unwisely put “full” and “stick” next to each other. I really hope she doesn’t mix them up… 🤭

4. We were treated tonight to a liturgy led by E who insisted that it is what we need to do every Friday night. She taught us our prayer position options and then offered to make up a prayer on the spot. It was genuinely lovely, all about how God loves us even if we are bad, how he tries to give us good habits and how we need to try and be kind. I mean it did go on a bit but the sentiment was perfect. I’ll confess to being a bit thrown by the part about putting fruit down the toilet but after later clarification, it just meant my last entry in the top 5 was easily selected! 🙏🏻

5. So, fruit down the toilet. After liturgy was finished I asked for an explanation. Apparently “someone” at school put a banana (including its skin) down the toilet but my daughter doesn’t know who did it. She then told me there was an apple down there too. And maybe an orange. I’ll confess to being a tad concerned about the extent of her detailed knowledge of this incident and given her chosen theme for the impromptu liturgy I wonder if there is more to this story. I suppose it would have been more concerning if it was toothbrushes being put down there! 🍌

DAY 198 – 1 October 2020

October?! How on earth did that happen? Those heady days in March when my diary began seem like an age ago. And in a few weeks we will all be planning for Christmas although who knows what we will and won’t be allowed to do to celebrate.Before then we still have all sorts of fun and games to get up to, particularly with the two darlings who continue to be on great form. Every day is an adventure, just the way I like it. So what about today’s adventure made the top 5?

1. While taking E to school this morning Mammy & E passed by a field of cows.

E: look Mammy those cows are sunbathing.

Steph: are they?

E: yes Mammy, they must be really happy and warm.

Steph: I’m not sure about that – it’s only 7 degrees! 🥶

2. With my #RemoteWorking I’ve become quite the dab hand with the housework. In particular I’ve learnt you always try and check the pockets before you put the washing in. Today Steph did this but while she was hanging the washing up she found little bits on one of M’s t-shirts. She couldn’t work out what it was. Upon further inspection she noticed that M has a pocket on the t-shirt and inside are lots of the same bits. After having a good old clean out of the pocket we’ve come to the conclusion that it’s bits of the tortilla wrap from last night’s meal! Who knows why he decided to stash so much in his pocket – perhaps he forgot he wears different clothes for bed and fancied a midnight feast. 🤤

3. E received a new reading book at school today called Ruff Ruff. She is really keen with her learning at present so we are doing everything we can to support and encourage her. As the name might suggest the story in the book is all about dogs (or more accurately “pups”) but she got a tad confused when she reached the key word in each sentence and just guessed from the first letter “p”. Suddenly the story was all about a group of pussies including a thin pussy, a fat pussy and a black pussy. Her reading clearly continues to be a work in progress. 🐈

4. Shortly after getting her domestic animals mixed up, another rather unfortunate reading error befell my daughter. This one was very simple. The word was “chat”. She mixed the “c” up with an “s”. I’ll leave the rest to you to work out! I suppose we should be relieved she did it at home and not in front of her teacher! 🤐

5. Today seemed to be a constant stream of deliveries as my wife’s online shopping addiction hits new heights. The monthly gin package was first to land so that will make for a blurry weekend. The highlight however was a box of craft materials as she gets ready for both Halloween and Christmas. According to E, October is all about Halloween so she wants to do something spooky every day this month. Roasting pumpkins and making ghostly biscuits are on her list, but today was making spooky decorations to hang in the window. Talk about dragging out a celebration! 🎃

DAY 197 – 30 September 2020

Hump day completed and here comes the rain. It all started with a bit of a rush this morning when my darling wife knocked the alarm off and we both went back to sleep only to have the kids come running in to wake us up at half 7. I guess it adds a little spice to the morning routine when it’s being done at double speed! Absolutely nothing of any note happened today unless the kids were involved so here we go with an E special top 5:

1. Steph is on a bit of homework campaign at the moment and is really working hard with E on her spellings. There was some last minute revision going on this morning when E suddenly announced she could spell “ice-cream” because she had heard the Year 2s spelling it. Impressed by this revelation she was asked to show us and excitedly gave a random list of letters, none of which feature at any point in the word. Trying to keep a straight face in front of your children is sometimes very challenging! 🤨

2. I was on school run duty again this afternoon and fortunately was given the right child today. We were having a lovely journey home in the car when she just burst into fits of giggles. I asked her why she was laughing and her response was unexpected. “Your face Daddy. It’s so funny.” I mean, how rude! And here was me thinking it was my razor sharp wit that made my family laugh, rather than my hilarious facial features. 😂

3. After finding out all about her day at school, I thought I should double check there hadn’t been any problems so I asked if there had been any misbehaving. Her reply was a little cryptic: “I don’t think so but I think I did hear someone say “stop that E” but I don’t know if that was real or just my imagination.” Upon further interrogation it turned out that when she thought she heard that phrase she was half way up climbing a tree in the middle of daily mile, and confirmed she definitely should not have been up a tree at that time. I suppose I should encourage her to push boundaries and not follow the crowd but everything in moderation. 🌳

4. She then came with me to pick up M from nursery and on the way home we were listening to Boris Johnson on the radio. E asked who it was and I explained he was the Prime Minister. She then asked if that meant he was in charge of the Government and made the laws. When I confirmed this she then announced “I need to speak to him about my cake. It’s really important.” It turned out that she’d heard at school that birthday cakes weren’t allowed to be brought in until the Government changes the law and she is worried that it may limit her cake options in February. I explained that there were lots of other more important things going on in the country, but apparently I just don’t understand and she’d like me to get him on the phone tomorrow. 🎂

5. I’m definitely getting parenting regret for trying to teach her about salt intake last week. To be fair I’m not even the one getting the flak, but listening to her berate her mother for making her chicken nuggets (which she loves) for her tea (when she’s hungry) was not great. It was pretty harsh too. “I can’t believe you’re trying to kill me Mammy.” I need to give some thought to how I rein this back in. Any suggestions very welcome! 😵

DAY 196 – 29 September 2020

What a glorious, beautiful day for the end of September. It’s definitely that time to really enjoy each sunny day as it may well be the last of the year. 

I was in the office today so only got a few precious hours with the kiddie winkles. They were high as kites this morning and still high as kites tonight. I can only hope they calmed down a little for the hours inbetween. Actually no I don’t – they never calm down for me so I really think they should always be true to themselves!

I’ve relied on my wife heavily for today’s top 5, so don’t send any complaints to me. 

1. She took M for a walk after lunch. Now when I take him, I just strap him into his pushchair but she’s clearly softer than me! He held her hand the whole way down to the horses whilst she also tried to manover the pushchair. They got to the horses and Steph was pointing out where the horses were and there was also some chickens. M pointed to the chickens and said as clear as day “chicken”. His vocabulary is certainly improving but does seem to be a strange collection of words. I suppose we should be grateful with numbers and farm animals, given his sister’s second word was “hummus”! 🐓

2. After picking her up from school, Steph was subjected to an inquisition, presumably to avoid her finding about the telling off she received for interrupting the teacher. 

E: So Mammy what did you do today?

Steph: Well, I did some work, took M for a little walk for him to go to sleep and picked you up. 

E: M? 

<M at this point started pretending to be asleep and snores>

He’s such a little joker and once again I have no idea who he takes after. 🃏

3. She wanted to get her own back so struck up a further conversation. 

Steph: So E what did you do at school today? 

E: Well, I did some letters today. I wrote the word Mammy

Steph: wow, well done

E: Well, I only wrote M A M but I always call you Mammy. But when I’m 8 I’ll start calling you Mam instead of Mammy

Steph: Ok, what about Daddy? 

E: I’ll call him Dad when I’m 8 too. 

That will be a sad day me thinks! 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

4. There was a classic chat after tea tonight. 

E: Mammy can I have my pudding?

Steph: Yes E

E: I’ve never had one of these before, oooh it’s all crunchie

Steph: Emma do you know what it’s actually called? 

E: No? 

Steph: A crunchie 🙄

5. My contribution to today’s top 5 was a game of extreme jeopardy I played with the car this morning. Steph has been driving my car recently so when I got in to drive to the office I didn’t know there were only 5 miles worth of petrol in there. Cue an extremely nervous drive to the petrol station as I watched it tick down to 0 (only able to go to the pay at pump as of course I had no face mask). I just made it but I tell you the nervous energy certainly woke me up before starting my day’s work – who needs coffee?! ⛽️

DAY 195 – 28 September 2020

For every Sunday there follows a Monday and there’s nothing we can do about it. I’m not actually convinced that with #RemoteWorking the Monday blues are as bad as they used to be, but perhaps it is the midweek drinking that is helping with that. And by midweek, you know I mean any day of the week you fancy. As we finish the end of the 28th week of my diary, here we go with the top 5:

1. E is taking her role as older sister increasingly seriously and is determined to teach the little man all the things he needs to know to get through life. The current theme is teeth cleaning and it won’t surprise you to hear that he has taken to it like a duck to water. Or a Daddy to whiskey. This morning before nursery he brushed his teeth three times, once with his own toothbrush, once with E’s and once with my toothbrush head. Weirdly he then just put it back when he was finished – it didn’t go missing. I suppose I should be grateful he’s growing up! 🦷

2. I absolutely love picking E up from school as she is always so cheerful and I know it’s been a real silver lining to this whole situation. I stand in the queue outside with all the mums, waiting my turn and when I’m up I peer past the teacher looking to catch a glimpse of my offspring. Sadly today was the turn of the Head teacher to supervise the gate and she clearly didn’t have a clue who I was. She tried to give me two girls who I didn’t recognise. I mean it wasn’t until we were half way home that they started objecting and I realised they weren’t mine and had to take them back. I clearly need a badge that says “E’s Daddy”! 👨‍👧‍👧

3. Before I could even ask E what happened at school today, she came clean.

“I maybe got in trouble”

“What happened?”

“I poked L in the hole”

“Excuse me?”

“I poked her. In the hole. But it was an accident Daddy. I didn’t do it deliberately.”

“I’m really confused sweetie. What hole are you talking about?”

“It was an accident. I didn’t get sent to see Mrs Gates so it is okay.”

“Right, I understand that but I still don’t understand what actually happened. What hole?”

“You know Daddy. You’re being silly. There’s only one hole.”

“Is there?”

“Yes. At the school. Where we do PE when it’s raining.”

“You mean the hall, don’t you?”

“Yes I poked her in the hall. That’s what I said!” 🤦🏼‍♂️

4. I was also lucky enough to pick M up from nursery too. No accident form today = win! He was happy and gave me a massive hug = win! I suddenly realised he wasn’t wearing a single item of the same clothing I had dropped him off in = quizzical look! Having sorted through the nappy sacks handed to me it looks like he managed to combine pooping on his clothes with soaking his clothes and mixed with covering his clothes in foodstuff. I’m not sure which resulted in the complete change of outfit or perhaps he did all 3 at the same time. Never a dull moment with my son! 🙅🏼‍♂️

5. Once again my day finished with a yoga session as I tried to give myself some time to clear my mind and build my core. Sadly my racing mind and ageing body had different ideas and it was certainly less zen than a yogi would hope. I did however manage to twerk my sitbones to the sky and present my backside to the moon so perhaps I should give myself more credit! 🧘‍♂️