LawyerLow Diaries

So another Restday in my new calendar and boy did I take advantage! I think it was the most laid back day since lockdown began – not that it was planned, it’s just the way we ended up rolling. It didn’t stop the little horrors being up before 6am but they paid for it tonight as they were exhausted!
I had a really full day of work so Steph was mainly in charge of #HomeSchooling and I think she just decided to kick back and chill, which is entirely fair enough! I thought they were just deciding between Robots and Religion for the themes but that quickly fell away and we ended up with Respite. Keeping yourself mentally healthy is just as important as being physically healthy so having some down time is really important. E still knocked out some decent schoolwork but it was all very relaxed – certainly I heard less shouting coming from downstairs!
So with such a relaxing day, surely I don’t have a top 5 to share? Ha, this is my family so read on:

1. One of the jobs I am responsible for in this house is emptying the dishwasher every morning. Now inevitably I also do a lot of stacking over the course of the day – you know, just doing my bit to keep on top of the housework. Unfortunately I discovered that the dishwasher wars are well and truly under way as when I emptying I realised that all my stacking from yesterday had been redone. Now there’s only one person who could be responsible for this, but what on earth is the point of me stacking it at all if it’s just going to be redone? Now I was always raised to put things IN the dishwasher and not next to it – and with Steph if I leave things on the side she just ignores it and it’ll never get washed. Yet I put things in and it’s wrong anyway. I have tried to learn the “right” way of stacking but I clearly have a long way to go! 🍽
2. The kids received some lovely new pyjamas from Grandma today and were very excited when the parcel arrived. Getting presents for birthdays or Christmas is always wonderful but even better is getting a present unexpectedly! They couldn’t wait to show them off and were very happy to pose for photos. We thought they were going to be too big as they are sizes up but actually they fitted perfectly. I’ve got my fingers crossed that they also have a soporific effect and we get a long lie from them tomorrow! 👚
3. Today was a day of deliveries as a cheeky Amazon order also happened to arrive. Some bits and pieces for the kids but most importantly a new book for Steph. As I am writing this, I glance over and see she has almost finished it already! I suspect this is why the kids had such a lazy afternoon as Steph will have been busy reading. In fact, when I came down after finishing work, she actually went and locked herself in the bathroom so she could get through some more chapters without being disturbed! My wife is such a bookworm but it makes her happy so I won’t do anything to disturb her and certainly won’t publicly discuss her quirks!! 📖 
4. I’m pretty shocked that it has taken until day 44 but today was my first work Zoom call involving a client. I’ve been involved in plenty of Zoom calls over the last few weeks but none have required any particular thought about my outfit. Most of my clients have clearly been very happy to just speak to me on the phone and don’t need to see my face! So 5 minutes before the call started I suddenly realised that I needed to put on something a bit smarter. Cue panic as I looked for an ironed shirt and just managed to throw one on before the session started (with 15 other people involved!) I’ve seen the funny posts on social media about people just sorting out their top halves for video conferences but that was genuinely me this morning – thank goodness I didn’t have to get up at any point during the call! 👔 
5. Daddy sorted out some pasta with a tomato sauce followed by chocolate mousse for tea tonight. M is so independent he refuses any help and so just rams it into his mouth. The tomato sauce is quite a challenge, as once the pasta has been wolfed down he just takes to smearing it all over his face and through his hair. There is a photo below of his attempt to eat his chocolate pot. What that photo doesn’t show very well is quite how orange he was by this point, so much so that when Steph came down she asked why he looked like an Oompa Loompa! Spoons are just overrated. 🍝

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So according to my new calendar, today was a Runday. A nice 3am wake up call from E who thought she’d be more comfortable in our bed, followed by M wide awake at 5.30am. Why not start the day like this? I made a schoolboy error on my 8.5 mile run, deciding to go a new route and getting lost in a forest half way through. But it’s completed and only 13 more runs to go…. 🥴 Please don’t forget we are trying to raise much needed money for a great cause and if you haven’t already please consider sponsoring us – www.justgiving.com/fundraising/DaveLow
Once I had recovered, I was in charge of #HomeSchooling and to my surprise it actually went quite well. A bit of yoga to get us going and then maths, phonics, English and spelling. Our theme today was Quarantine and E did a lovely poster with the things she likes about it, the things she doesn’t and what she is most looking forward to doing when the lockdown is lifted. Seeing all her grandparents featured highly in that last list!
It’s hard to believe we are onto R tomorrow – time is really flying during lockdown. I’m really hoping we don’t end up going back to the beginning again otherwise Arguments, Bickering, Conflict and Divorce might be the themes!
Anyway, here are my top 5 for today:

1. As you know, Steph and I have been working shifts to try and allow us to juggle work and childcare. It’s had mixed success but whenever we swap over there’s definitely a sense that whoever is moving onto the childcare has the short straw. I noticed something today during the swap overs. When I’m moving onto work I normally say to Steph “this is what we’ve done, the kids have been fed, oh and I’ve just changed M.” Conversely when Steph is going to work she seems to finish the handover with “oh and M might need changing!” I probably should’ve cottoned onto this sooner!! 💩 
2. I made a rather disturbing discovery when changing one of M’s many nappies today. Now occasionally the odd crumb falls out of his nappy when I open it but on the whole what is in his dirty nappies is what one would expect. But not today. I opened the nappy to find a picture frame in there. Now, I don’t mean a full size one!! I mean a toy one from E’s Sylvanian Family set. But still, how on earth did he get that in there, and why? I’m not sure which is the more mystifying. 🖼 
3. With rain forecast in the afternoon, we took advantage of the dry morning to embark on our first ever tennis lesson in the garden. M was a wonderful ball boy and E actually listened to what I was saying and did much better than I had expected. She has a fearsome forehand and almost injured me with one stroke! I think my highlight however was M trying to plant the tennis balls in the flower bed. I’m not sure what he is trying to grow but he was certainly keen to get them in there. 🎾 
4. Back to M and toileting! We lost him at one point today (I say we but apparently it was my responsibility!) when he disappeared off. I found him hiding in the downstairs toilet sat on the potty which we put there in an optimistic hope that he might be trained a bit earlier than E was. Given that he was there I helped him to take his nappy down and sit on it properly. He found this incredibly amusing and then shocked me by getting a piece of toilet roll and then pushed down the flush. He’s clearly been watching and learning! We shall see whether this will be a lockdown success story – personally I doubt it given how lazy my boy can be sometimes. I mean why do it yourself when you have 2 parents who are willing to get their hands dirty and do it for you? 🚽 
5. “Are you serious?” is the new favourite phrase of E’s which she trots our multiple times every day whenever we say no to her. There is so much sass in her voice it is difficult to take her seriously, especially when the hand goes on the hip. It does make me think about other places she will go post lockdown (school, sports clubs, drama etc) and how she will deal with not getting her own way there. I mean John McEnroe she isn’t and I worry it will be taken as rudeness. I don’t think she means it like that and genuinely cannot process why anyone would even consider refusing her entirely reasonable requests (demands). I mean an entire chocolate Easter egg for breakfast is reasonable isn’t it? 🙋🏼

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Apparently it’s Tuesday. With each week that passes my ability to remember what day it is becomes weaker. For the next month I think there will only be 2 days – run days and rest days. That might be easier for me to remember. So today was a rest day so what did we decide to do? Of course we picked Physical Education for P day! No rest for the wicked has never been so true. 
We start with Joe Wicks and followed that with some yoga. Of course we had our usual lunchtime walk which M slept through. I just viewed it as a warm up before my next big run tomorrow morning. 
I’ve done a bit of carb loading tonight so before I head off for my beauty sleep I’ll run down a quick top 5 for today:

1. On our walk, E continued her love of nature with some very concerning interactions. After wiping herself out on her scooter on a gravelly hill, she then started talking to the plants and trees. Maybe she banged her head! She wanted to do the tree pose (shown below) in the hope the birds would fly down and rest on her arms. She then wanted to talk to the feathers we found (possibly from a horse?!?) and the leaves and bushes. I’m not quite sure what she was talking to them about but it was quite intense and detailed. She brought one leaf home to do a leaf picture. Imagine my stress when she finished her picture (just a drawing with the leaf in the middle) and asked me to guess what it was. Turns out it was a camel in the desert. There was no way I was guessing that!! 🐪 
2. In addition to our physical exercise, E ploughed on with an absolute ton of schoolwork today which makes us really proud. #HomeSchooling was definitely a success. She completed the next level of her online learning tool and did a bunch of English and maths. The only frustration was on one of the maths pages where she got a bit carried away and coloured in too many of the shapes. When she came upstairs to tell me, I tried to reassure her that it was fine but she was adamant her teacher would not be so forgiving.
“But Mr Baxter, Daddy! Mr Baxter will go MENTAL!” I’m pretty sure poor Mr Baxter will get over it! 👨‍🏫 
3. For pudding tonight the kids got some yoghurt. Not just any yoghurt but some own brand, low fat stuff that we found in the back of the fridge and thought we’d better use up. Of course M doesn’t allow us to feed him anything and he just used it as finger paint and a little as hair gel. The joy! E on the other hand really enjoyed hers and I walked in just as Steph was asking her what she though. The reply must take the prize for the most exaggerated comment of the lockdown so far:
“This is so nice… I could DIE!” 🍦 
4. Whilst Mammy was doing some evening working, the rest of us decided to have a pyjama party. It was Daddy’s idea but E definitely took to it getting everything ready and even demanding that I look out some tomatoes, carrot sticks and hummus for snacks. I mean, seriously? We had hot chocolate with squirty cream (and on that note if you are going to have a sneaky squirt directly into your mouth when no one is looking, be careful as when your mouth reaches capacity it escapes via your nose – apparently) and then a dancing session with such hits as Shotgun and Hips Don’t Lie. I strongly recommend every evening should end with that! ☕️ 
5. The big excitement of today was my County Board meeting this evening, held for the first time over Zoom. How thrilling I hear you say whilst rolling your eyes, but it certainly was shaken up by the arrival of my littlest monster half way through. Bed was not for him, he decided, and when the screaming got too much I brought him downstairs and he sat very nicely on my knee and watched the meeting. For 4 seconds and then he just started trying to trash everything starting with my laptop. He did have a weird fascination with some of the other Board members as he kept stroking their faces on the screen and then just alternated between that and climbing onto my head! Apparently he’s been invited to next month’s meeting whereas my attendance is optional. 😔

Not really sure what happened today. Genuinely it has been a complete blur. I’m trying to sit down this evening and write my diary but struggling to fill in the blanks of what we actually did. Perhaps this is the lockdown effect where big chunks of time just disappear so maybe it’s just a side effect of my stupidly long run this morning. 
Daddy was in primary charge of #HomeSchooling today which was never going to be a good start to the week. Origami was picked as the theme which was actually really good fun. Trying to get a 5 yr old independent woman(!) to sit down and do some maths was another challenge altogether. 
M was extremely keen to be involved in everything, especially things that don’t concern him. He did have a lovely nap in his bed this afternoon and has put himself back in it tonight. So perhaps the cuteness trumps the tinkerish behaviour!
So once I remembered what we had done today, what makes my top 5?

1. The day started with me dragging myself out of bed at 6am to get ready for my second run of my Lawyers in Lockdown sponsorship challenge. This one was the biggie – 8.5miles (nearly 14k) was always going to be a push, and true to form I went out too hard and paid for it in the last couple of miles. I was delighted to finish it and then the sudden realisation hit that I’ve got to do that 14 more times over the next 4 weeks. An easy challenge isn’t a challenge at all, I suppose! Over to Steven Allan to do tomorrow’s leg. 🏃‍♂️ 
2. E was hugely excited by the origami theme and couldn’t wait to help with all the paper folding. I was relieved we didn’t suffer any paper cuts (all of Daddy’s activities are fully risk assessed!) and we made a whole collection of animals. Of course E was not satisfied with our graft and the only animal not in the book was the unicorn. “I want a unicorn Daddy!” “Ok, ok, ok just stop going on about it and I’ll make you one!” Well, does anyone know how complicated it is to make a paper unicorn?!! Step by step guides, YouTube videos, but could I work out the rabbit fold I needed for the legs? Fortunately by the time I was ready to admit defeat E had lost interest and just wanted to watch Paw Patrol. 🦄 
3. Today seemed to be all about home haircuts. It’s not reached that stage in the Low household but everywhere else people seem to be reaching for the clippers and scissors. I don’t know if it’s boredom or if it’s out of genuine necessity but my hair is going to have to get pretty damn long before I’d let Steph anywhere near my head with anything sharp! I’m only joking of course, you should trust your spouse implicitly and that is why I’m going to give her hair a trim this weekend and she’s not allowed to say anything negative! 💇‍♀️ 
4. E has a new wobbly tooth. She is of course very excited about this development and can’t wait for another “big tooth” to arrive. I caught a snippet of the conversation she had with Steph. 
“It’s loose Mammy and you know what that means…”
“Yes, it might fall out soon.”
“No, not that Mammy, you know what it really means. You know!”
“What are you talking about.”
“You know Mammy. It’s small and round. You know. It’s very important.”
“You’re talking about money aren’t you E?”
“Yes, Mammy. I told you you knew!”
What an entrepreneur! 🧚‍♀️ 
5. My favourite game today was “playing cats and dogs and owners” which appears to be a game entirely made up by E. Now I don’t confess to understanding all of the details, but I think I picked up the basics. I play the owner. M plays the dog called Rover. E plays the cat called Jesibella. There was a lot of purring and rubbing up against my legs and then I had to take them both out for a walk on their leads. It was very surreal but I guess that’s just because us adults have a very poor imagination in comparison to our children! Who knows which animals we will have be tomorrow? 🐈

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So the first night in his new big boy bed was a huge success for M. In fact he enjoyed it so much that when he went for his afternoon nap we managed to carry him up and put him in the bed rather than his pushchair and he slept for nearly 2 1/2 hours!! Long may that continue! He also took the phone up to show Grandma on FaceTime how he sleeps in his bed – very cute even if he is a monster! 
It’s been a bit of a funny Sunday as the day seems to have flown over but we’ve achieved very little. Actually that sounds very much like a normal Sunday! I kept waiting for the rain to arrive, which it never did.
There has been an unprecedented amount of debate today about what themes we are adopting for #HomeSchooling next week. It may come as a surprise to you, dear reader, but up until now we have very much been winging it!! We are onto O, P, Q, R and S and I had some great ideas. Apparently I’m “not taking things seriously” and Emma’s school will not want her to learn all about pee and poo. So after the topics were agreed I was suddenly informed by my wife that our work shifts are changing so I can be more “hands on” with the #HomeSchooling. So basically I am re-qualifying as a teacher this week whilst Steph has been promoted to Headteacher. I suppose I should just do as I’m told, but let’s be honest that is never going to happen! Watch this space for the outcome….
Anyway, the top 5 for this 40th day of #RemoteWorking has a bit of an animal theme:

1. I smashed my opening run for the Brain Tumour Research challenge this morning. It was only a little 4 miler but I guess it is a sign of the times that I am calling a 4 mile run, small! The big runs start tomorrow and I have had to accept that the only time I’m going to have to do these is early morning, so even if the kids sleep in there will be no long lies for me for the next 30 days! A huge thank you to those who have been incredibly generous with sponsorship already – if you haven’t had a chance yet, don’t forget that every penny counts! www.justgiving.com/fundraising/DaveLow #StillRunningForSharky 🦈 
2. I suggested to E this morning that we should go out and try and master her cycling. This has been a big challenge in the past as we made the mistake of putting stabilisers on. To my surprise she was keen and wanted to go out straight away. I explained that it was 6.30am so it was a tad early and anyway we had to wait for Mammy as we needed someone to look after M given he would be a handful when we went out. 
“I know Daddy, he might run and fall over!”
“Yes, probably” I said seriously 
“Or he might be stung by a bee!”
“A bit less likely but I suppose it is a risk..”
“Or he might do what I did and get stung by stinging nettles and not be able to find any of those special leaves to make him better. Or he might be stung by a jellyfish. Or he might be eaten by a tiger. Or…”
“Maybe we should leave M inside?”
“Good idea Daddy!”
We never did end up getting outside on the bike today – perhaps that tiger was still on the loose!!!! 🐅 
3. Regular readers will remember the big fanfare I made about the reclaiming of our living room and the creation of a playroom upstairs. Well since then the kids have been in the playroom precisely once a day and that has been to collect the toys they want and then carry them into another room. Any other room. Just to make a mess. Just because they can. Today’s effort was led by M who decided to throw all of the Sylvanian families down the stairs so he could play in the living room. I felt sorry for the rabbit family who bounced down every step first but it was the two story house that made the biggest crash and caused Mammy and Daddy to come running. Apparently the toys just aren’t the same unless they are strewn across the living room floor. 🐇 
4. E absolutely loved having a virtual dog walk today. We received a FaceTime call from a good friend who was out walking her dog and wanted to know if E wanted to “come along”. She really got into the spirit of it and walked around the garden with my phone pretending she was with them. The only negative was her continued obsession with dandelions which she has now decided need to be picked from the lawn and “planted and watered” in the flower beds. It doesn’t matter what I say – they are apparently pretty! 🐶 
5. Steph decided to have a long bath this morning. The first bath she’s had in ages (EDIT: my wife has asked me to make clear that she does wash on a daily basis but just in the shower rather than the bath) so I told her to go all out and pamper herself with a bath bomb and all the other potions and lotions that ladies seem to use in the bath. “Don’t worry,” I said “I’ll look after the kids so you can have some peace and quiet.” So it didn’t really work out like that with E and Daddy playing hide and seek in the garden and M repeatedly sneaking off to play hide and seek with Mammy. Given that Mammy wasn’t moving from her reclined position in the bath, there was only one winner there, and he took great delight in bursting through the bathroom door every 10 seconds! Waste of a good bath bomb if you ask me. 🛀

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So apparently my kids didn’t get the memo telling them that our themed days only last 24 hours and certainly don’t run into the weekends. As a result of this miscommunication they decided that their naughtiness from yesterday should continue this morning. Daddy was not a happy bunny – more below. 
But let us not forget that we continue to be blessed with great weather which allows us to at least get plenty of fresh air. The forecast (here at least) does not look so good next week which is certainly daunting but we are just planning on lots of indoor entertainment. 
A quick trip for essentials of bread and milk was a nice excuse to get out in the car. These small highlights of the week really are quite sad but still an important way to break up the days. 
My 5 big announcements of the day are:

1. First and most importantly a lot of people are doing 2.6 or marathon themed challenges tomorrow on the day the London Marathon was due to be held. For some completely insane reason I have agreed with Steven Allan to take on a ridiculous running challenge starting tomorrow to raise funds for Brain Tumour Research. Essentially between us we are going to try and run 10 marathons over the next 31 days. Full details are here: www.justgiving.com/fundraising/DaveLow and any sponsorship would be hugely appreciated. I know things are tight and uncertain at the moment so anything at all would be very welcome. I have no idea how I’m going to do this both physically and mentally but I guess it wouldn’t be a challenge if it was easy! 🏃‍♂️ 
2. This morning M appeared in our bedroom with wet hands. Now that is not a good start to any story. E has been teaching him to wash his hands (something positive to come out of lockdown!) so my initial reaction was one of disinterest. It then dawned on me that E was downstairs and he isn’t tall enough to turn on the tap himself. I was curious so I asked him to show me why his hands were dripping wet. He happily led me into the bathroom and just dunked his hands into the toilet bowl!!!!! I was pretty shocked and disgusted and went to pull him away and only then did the true horror of the situation dawn on me. E has taken to not flushing the toilet if she goes during the night…. 🤢
3. After the great escape from his cot, two nights in a row, the time had come to convert it into a big boy’s bed. A real landmark in anyone’s life and clearly one he wanted to be heavily involved in. He was certainly not interested in letting Daddy do all the work and is actually showing a lot of dexterity with a screwdriver much to Steph’s concern. He then was desperate to get in and try it out even though it was only 11am! Bless him, he’s now tucked up enjoying his first night as a big boy. 🛏 
4. We took advantage of the good weather to go on a family walk. Now these are normally around a mile or a little longer due to the increasing whinging from E (and Steph) if we go much further. They only have short legs you know! It was so gorgeous and there was so little complaining that I led them a different way which I knew was a loop that would total around 5km. It was a risk and could well have been the end of my marriage if it had backfired but to my relief they rose to the challenge and walked all the way round. The only annoyance came, not in the form of whining about tired legs and being thirsty, but instead cyclists who kept flying past us without using their bell. I mean it’s not difficult surely? 🚴🏼‍♀️ 
5. When we got back to the house Daddy went into full chef mode and was in complete control of the BBQ. No one else was allowed near as I burnt the burgers to a crisp as usual. We all sat in the garden in the early evening sun and it was idyllic. Or so I thought. Steph had rustled up some homemade chips in the oven and when the timer went off I ran in to take them out. They were, well, on the well done side of cooked and I made the huge mistake of cracking a joke about the black bits. Off Steph went and the lovely family meal was suddenly finished. In our usual middle class way the kids were still finishing their carrot sticks and hummus, so E went inside after her Mammy and was trying to find her to offer her a carrot stick. Suffice to say that wasn’t exactly what Steph was looking for!! 🥕

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So a beautiful day in lockdown is at a close. Definitely a better day than yesterday but challenging nevertheless. To be honest I’m not sure if it was as sunny inside our house as it was outside. 
We started with the best of intentions after a fairly late wake up (by our standards) and was all prepared to go ahead with our Noise day. Sadly it was all downhill from there as before we really got going with the noise themed activities the kids decided between themselves to change the day to Naughtiness. Now every day is naughty day when you are my offspring but today they were into everything just looking for trouble. M even refused to have his nap this afternoon despite pushing him around during our lunchtime walk, juice was poured on the floor, things were pushed OUT through the letterbox and so it went on. 
There were some positives – Steph made some amazing maple and pecan muffins. The recipe was for the 12 but we somehow ended up with 20. Don’t worry – the extra 8 have been disposed of already…
So what delights did the kids have for us in today’s top 5?

1. We did a lovely bit of family yoga first thing today (Wonky Donkey!) which was before the naughtiness kicked in fully. I always thought yoga was based on relaxation and the release of air through various orifices but actually it’s quite hard work! My downward dog got a good work out and M seemed keen to help me push the last of the air out of my lungs. 💨
2. M’s first big bit of naughtiness was smashing up E’s big pink plastic cup. We’ve had it for a while and unbeknownst to me there are two parts to it with the outside section full of about 200 small plastic balls full of some kind of cooling gel. Presumably that helps keeps the drink inside cool but to our 22 month old it is just a challenge. Those balls could be fun to play with! So imagine Steph’s delight when she walked into the living room to find the whole floor covered. She couldn’t event hoover them up in case they popped so had to gather them up by hand. No surprise that the kids didn’t help to clean up! 🥤
3. We were delighted to receive a FaceTime from Nanna this afternoon who had received her surprise flower delivery from us. Even the smallest gesture can make such a difference during difficult times and she loved seeing the kids in the background continuing to cause carnage. They were bouncing on our bed like a trampoline (again!) and then pinned me down on it and bounced on me like a trampoline (owww!) Whilst we were distracted on the call they then headed into the en suite and turned the tap on. They were just washing their hands however so I guess the government message is getting through. Finally M took off at pace back into the bathroom and decided he wanted a shower. He didn’t realise however that the shower screen was closed. Booom! Possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! He was fine, don’t worry, so it’s acceptable to laugh at him crashing into the transparent sliding door! 🤣
4. To try and distract them from being horror bags, Steph decided to put on M’s favourite movies this afternoon. Peter Pan and Frozen. I’ve never been so happy that I had to work this afternoon. I thought we had moved past Frozen with E but who would have predicted that M would be so obsessed with it. E even has an Elsa doll which sings that ******* song when you twist her arm. She hates the thing but M carries it round like a comfort blanket. What’s worse is the batteries are running out so the song is even more whiny than normal as it falls out of tune half way through. I wonder if I twist his arm…. ❄️ 
5. A particular highlight of the whole lockdown has been E’s random chats. It turns out that today she announced she wants another sibling. Steph immediately put that idea to bed whilst Daddy was slightly more relaxed. The problem for Steph was that on the lunchtime walk we had found a dandelion and E knew to make a wish whilst she blew the seeds away (she calls it a wishing leaf). And everyone knows the wish always comes true. Fortunately for Steph, I found out that the wish wasn’t for a baby brother or sister but instead that it would be her birthday. She was crushed when I told her it wouldn’t come true as she had told me what the wish was and it had to be a secret! Guess what she’s off looking for tomorrow and she’s too bright to make the same mistake again. Lots of secret wishes to come and no doubt triplets for us in 9 months time…. 😩

I suppose you can’t get this far into lockdown without having some highs and lows. For no apparent reason today was a low in Casa Low. I suspect it was my fault as I rolled all the way over this morning and got out of the wrong side of the bed. It was definitely downhill from there. 
The kids and Steph got regular tongue lashings (Steph enjoying that more than the kids) and I was pretty disinterested in everything that was going on. I have no doubt that tomorrow will be markedly better, again for no reason, but I can’t wait for that to happen. If anyone else is having a rough day just keep your chin up and remember we are all in this together and tomorrow is a fresh start! 
The #HomeSchooling is still progressing well, entirely through the efforts of my wife. I wanted today to be Monsters or Mould but they ended up going for Maths! E got a call from her head teacher today to see how she was getting on so that was a happy coincidence as she had been smashing her way through her maths workbook. We are onto N tomorrow so fire your suggestions over as no final decision has been made yet!
When I got over my own bad mood, I definitely learnt 5 things today:

1. It is time to put the baby gate on M’s bedroom door. He’s been threatening to do it since before lockdown started but tonight he finally managed to climb out of his cot. 5 times. I suspect he just wanted to join in the NHS clap (and ran outside and across the street!) but I don’t know the reason for the 4 trips after that. He appears to have mastered the technique of swinging his leg over and then lowering himself down so at least it is a safe dismount. If he turns up in our bedroom in the middle of the night I’m not going to be impressed! 🛏 
2. I shouldn’t try and introduce E to new foods. For lunch I knocked up a bagel for the kids thinking it wouldn’t be particularly controversial. Turns out I was wrong. E took one bite then marched off to find me. “I don’t like the seeds (sesame seed bagel) or the new butter (Philadelphia) Daddy.” 
“Sorry sweetie – I thought you would like to try something new.”
<eye roll> “What’s the big idea?” 
I mean she actually said that to me. The cheek of it! 🥯 
3. I may be developing an alcohol problem. I made myself stay off the booze tonight as I had realised our recycling box was once again full and there were quite a lot of empty wine bottles still to put out. We have definitely fallen into the habit of a drink or two or three every night. I mean if you want to come and get locked down with my kids then you would really understand… you really would. But once you pop you just can’t stop and to be frank it’s getting really expensive given Steph’s taste in wine. So I’ve done well tonight but tomorrow is Friday so guess we’ll be back on it!! 🍷 
4. We need to keep the kids off our phones. I’m pretty relaxed about the kids having screen time although we do try and keep it spaced out across the day. The problem is however that E knows how to use the phones better than we do and she is obsessed with selfies. We literally find hundreds of different poses on there every evening – my favourite from today is below. If this is what she is like at 5, what have we got to look forward to over the next 10+ years? 💋 
5. I’m too tall. Now this is a strange one but I basically tried to knock myself out at lunchtime. E wanted to play a game so I obliged in the hope this would get me in a better mood. It was a very strange made up game involving spinning on the spot then running round the living room. It was apparently a set of challenges and if I won then we could watch an episode of Paw Patrol together! Anyway the next challenge was to hop half way round the room and then jump the other half. I was doing really well and bouncing like a kangaroo but didn’t realise I was underneath the ceiling light and crashed into it which a pretty heavy bump. You could tell it made a noise as instead of laughing E immediately rushed over and asked if I needed an ambulance! 🚑

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It was always going to happen at some point, but I’ve hit a bit of writer’s block this evening. Many will be surprised it’s taken over 5 weeks to reach this stage! It’s not an artistic issue to be fair, it’s more to do with the fact that I was manning the office so for the first time since the lockdown started I’ve been distant from my muses. And I’m not embarrassed to say I really missed them today. It genuinely worries me that at some point this will all be over and there will be an expectation that things will go back to the way they were. I’m not sure how I feel about that as my kids and wife are my world and I’m becoming so used to having them close by 24/7.
Whilst I was at work, Steph was doing her thing with the #HomeSchooling as we moved onto the letter L. Whilst I voted for Lemon just to see E’s face when she had to suck on one, sadly they went with Lion and so there were lots of lion stories and lion worksheets on the go. They even wrote a “book report” about the Lion and the Mouse. Bless them!
I also hosted my latest online Zoom quiz tonight which was a lot of fun and saw a winning score of 39/40. That was pretty impressive as there were some toughies scattered about – next one is on Saturday so got to find some time to write that inbetween work, Daddy Daycare and writing my diary entries!
So, top 5 of today…

1. We had another disturbed night I’m afraid but this time it was all down to E. First she was up for the toilet, which is entirely acceptable of course (rather that than having an accident) and she even didn’t come in to tell us she was going! Unfortunately she was then up at 4am desparate to join us in the “comfy” bed. She was unceremoniously kicked out only to return just over an hour later. Eventually she was dispatched with the iPad to fend for herself whilst we kidded ourselves we might get a bit more kip. Interestingly I found out this evening that she doesn’t ever want to grow up (being a kid is so much more fun!) and therefore she doesn’t want to sleep ever again as she knows that you grow in your sleep. Any suggestions for how we convince her that sleep is good?! 🛏
2. M has taken to squirrelling away items and he has quite the talent for putting them in places we really struggle to find. We lost the house phone yesterday and only found it this morning when E discovered it tucked under the dining table. This morning we lost the TV remote (crisis stations!) and the iPad, both of which he had managed to hide from us all. Who knows what goes through his head as he is doing it but the wicked smirk suggests he knows that it is naughty! 📞
3. I heard a screech from the living room this evening and rushed in to find Steph apoplectic at the fact M had decided to colour in our wallpaper with crayons. I mean we’re not talking a little mark, but rather a full blown piece of art! Our reclaimed living room is really struggling to survive when it is under constant attack. Anyway, a quick google search and apparently WD40 does the trick and so I set about testing that recommendation. And lo and behold it actually did work. So much so that I set about cleaning other walls attacked by our children along with sorting those squeaky doors we’ve had for ages. A manly job, well done, save for the fact the fumes from the spray got me somewhat giddy and I’m thinking of using it every afternoon during lockdown just to give me a pick-me-up! 🤪
4. As part of lion day, Steph found a nice documentary to watch with E about lions in Uganda whilst M had his afternoon nap. They settled down together and were introduced to the adult lions at the reserve along with the 8 cubs (E’s favourite). About half way through E fell asleep, no doubt exhausted by her early start but Steph decided to watch the end anyway. Well, thank goodness E was asleep! The end of this programme came up with credits explaining how all the lions featured were poisoned by poachers and died, including all 8 cubs. Steph was in tears and when E woke up and asked what happened to the lions, she welled up again! I suppose the Lion King could have had a very different ending! 🦁
5. After last night’s rather cutting comment about wanting to move into a “nice” house, E has asserted her prerogative to change her mind. After learning that if we moved house, someone new would have to move in here she had a change of heart. Clearly the thought of someone else sleeping in her bedroom is too much so suddenly this house “will do, and is actually quite nice Daddy”! 🏡

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Well, all things considered today has been a good day in lockdown. I snuck out early doors and ran 7k before the kiddies woke up and that did really set me up. Another sunny day, fun with the kids and productive from a work perspective. I wouldn’t mind having few more days like this!
I also have a bit of an announcement following a few people suggesting I put my diary entries onto a blog – I’ve looked into it as promised and have now launched lawyerlowdiaries.com – it is a work in progress but please feel free to share the link with anyone!
So, back to my day and from a #HomeSchooling perspective we are onto the letter K. Despite pushing for kangaroo or kinetics, in their wisdom my wife and daughter opted for Kenya. I genuinely have no idea why nor what they intended to do from a schooling perspective but actually they made a good job of it and coloured in the flag (more complex than most countries), learnt lots of facts about the country, did a bit of geography etc. I doff my cap to a genuinely educational day! 
Kenya didn’t make my top 5 however so here goes:

1. M has today moved onto a rather strange phase of his development which basically involves trying to kill his parents. I’m not sure what we’ve done to deserve this but he is like a little ninja and has started attacking us when we least expect it. This morning he head butted me from nowhere and I naively put it down as an accident. Then at lunchtime he was sitting nicely on my lap when he seized his chance and flung his head back trying to crush my windpipe. He got pretty close to be fair and I’m sure it’s bruised. Then tonight he climbed over E to get to Steph who leaned in thinking he was being cute. Think again my darling! He went straight in to head butt her in the temple knocking her glasses off in the process. I’m sleeping with one eye open tonight! 🤼‍♀️
2. E loves a bit of yoga and has been doing some online during lockdown, usually when Steph is supervising. This morning, because I was ready early, I offered to do it with her not quite realising what I was getting myself into! Courtesy of Happy Sleepy Baby we did the Stick Man session. M even joined us and just sat transfixed by the story. E thought it was funny how much I struggled with even the most basic of yoga moves. You might need to zoom into the photo below to see quite how hard I was working my core! 🧘‍♂️ 
3. I was speaking to Steph tonight about the Kenya choice and she did explain that she was going to go for Kangaroo but the only learning resource she could find was about joeys. Perfect, I though, so why not do that? Well apparently the worksheet was all about the life cycle of a kangaroo which includes sections stating “the joey climbs the path its mother has licked into its mother’s pouch” and “it latches onto a teat to feed on until it is big and strong”. Steph was concerned that E would think these things applied to her (we don’t want to regress back to the licking stage!) so thought that Kenya was the safer option! 🦘 
4. I put E to bed tonight and I’m sure you can picture the scene. I tucked her in and read her a Julia Donaldson story. I switched off the light and kissed her on the head. I said goodnight and then she starts:
“Daddy?”
“Yes sweetie”
“What did you want your life to be when you were 20?”
<wow, I mean how deep is this?>
“Ummm, well I wanted to meet a beautiful girl”
“You did Daddy, you met Mammy”
“Yes and I wanted to have gorgeous children”
“You did Daddy, you had M and me”
“Well, something like that! And I wanted to live in a nice house full of laughter and smiles and happiness”
“Oh. Okay Daddy so when are we buying the nice house?” 😯
5. Today was a very special day in the Low family as it is my little sister’s birthday. Being a social animal the prospect of being stuck indoors on her special day was not very appealing so her very thoughtful big brother organised a surprise Zoom party for her tonight. Cue a very interesting collection of friends and family all with weird and wonderful camera angles and technological issues before we were ready to welcome my sister. So we were ready to go and sing happy birthday but when she was added it turns out she’d gone upstairs to get changed so we just had my brother in law apologising profusely explaining she would be down in a minute. Well, anyone who knows my sister knows that it takes her a while to get ready! I had to mute everyone to try and keep the surprise going which then did confuse some family members who kept trying to unmute themselves! Anyway it all worked well in the end and it was great to see everyone – we decided we should do it again so asked whose was the next birthday without realising my uncle’s is tomorrow! I think the consensus was we might give it a week or so! 🎂

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