LawyerLow Diaries

Turns out today was a gross day (you can see how bad things have become when I’m making maths jokes!) Plans to meet some family today fell through so instead we had a nice chilled day, getting some fresh air and enjoying the sun.
Spending a whole day with my two little monsters inevitably throws up some “incidents” so let’s turn our attention to today’s top 5:

1. Unbelievably our kids seem to have learnt that long lies and weekends go together like gin and tonic. I’m not getting my hopes up as it may well be a one off, but E came through at just after 7am and instead of causing a commotion she just climbed in and gave me a cuddle. Even more surprisingly, M didn’t stir until 8am. Whilst that gave us a very peaceful start to the day, they certainly made up for it as they then trashed the whole of the downstairs! 😴
2. M somehow managed to find his way into the garage this morning and locate his box of chalks. Now whilst we have no problem with him creating artwork on the paving slabs outside, bringing them into the house and colouring in the carpet, the couches, his toys and (his pièce de résistance which caused us to come running) his sister’s face was not part of a plan. When he tried to throw himself on my mercy I realised that he’d also coloured his own tshirt in seemed to be spitting blue spittle suggesting he’d been eating or sucking on the blue chalk. That boy just sniffs out trouble and puts his all into the execution. I suppose in a way I should admire his tenacity! 😈
3. Today’s dressing up theme was emergency services and E decided she was a police officer. She wore her jacket with pride and even wrote “police” on the top of M’s truck so it became a police wagon. There were lots of crimes to identify, mainly involving M as a criminal who needed locking up. She even insisted on wearing it when we went for our afternoon walk much to her mother’s consternation. Apparently the only crime she reported whilst we were out was her own failure to keep to the side of the path properly. Police indiscretion is very timely given that her parents are binge watching Line of Duty box sets at the moment. 👮‍♀️ 
4. E decided that our lunchtime walk should be to the local fairy garden so she could show Mammy what she has been missing. It was actually quite nice to go back as it was a staple part of our routine in the early days of lockdown. It also served to give E some ideas for what she might want to put in her own new garden. She’s still picking up regular points each day, and Steph has now promised her a trip to the garden centre tomorrow so she can buy her first few items with the money she has earned. I am fascinated to see what she goes for and no doubt will report in my diary with some photos! 🧚‍♀️ 
5. It was with great sadness that I hosted my last weekly quiz for Durham City Aquatics tonight. It has been going for 19 weeks now and has come a long way since I was asked to host “a” quiz back at the start of lockdown. I should also mention my wife’s support as in recent weeks she’s taken to preparing a lot of the questions for me. It’s been really well supported throughout and the numbers have held strong even with the gradual relaxation of restrictions. The silver lining of course is that the pool is opening next week meaning that our members will be able to see each other again rather than relying on Zoom! What on earth am I going to do with my Saturday nights now!!? 🤓

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Friday fun and frolics. Sadly I was home alone doing #RemoteWorking so not much fun and certainly no frolics. We squeezed a few things in once the kids came home from Grandmas instead. 
I’ve been told (yet again!) that my diary entries are too long so I’m trying my hardest to keep it brief tonight! 
So with that in mind, off we go into the top 5:

1. With some pretty decent weather today good old Grandma got out the paddling pool at her house and the kids piled in. From what I can gather they had a whale of a time and could splash to their hearts content. Of course there was no grumpy Daddy telling them off for saturating the bathroom as per normal bath time. Who knew that spending time in the water would be better without Daddy present! At least they managed to get some use out of their swimwear this summer! 💦 
2. Pre lockdown, Friday night for many people (myself included) usually involved chilling on the couch with a drink and possibly a takeaway, or if I was really lucky a trip to the pub! These days (and I’m really not sure how this happened) I’ve replaced that with a humid 12k run. Now I know which is better for me but boy have I struggled to recover this evening. Incidentally that was the same outcome when I used to go to the pub, other than it usually ran into the Saturday morning too! 🥵
3. M has decided that there is nowhere off limits in the house. Not only has he discovered that if he pushes his little rocking horse to the top of the stairs he can *almost* climb over the bannister but now he’s started climbing (and breaking) on the storage boxes so her can get on top of the unit and then onto the window sill. Simply put, nowhere is safe and we can’t put anything breakable anywhere. We may as well just put everything into a car boot sale now before our mini destroyer gets into anything else! 💣
4. After quite a long time, E discovered her My Little Pony dolls this evening and brought them out to play. To my initial horror she put two of them into her toy microwave so I asked her whether that was wise. She once again took pity on her silly Daddy and rolled her eyes whilst explaining that the dial (painted on) shows 00:00 so no ponies would be harmed. I felt suitably reprimanded but of course returned later to try and switch the microwave on. Fortunately for the ponies, I was rugby tackled to the ground by E and then piled on by M who loves that game and indeed any opportunity to jump on top of me! 🐴 
5. E insisted on a hot chocolate this evening which, as always, involves me distracting M in another room otherwise he would want one too and that’s just a mess waiting to happen. She somehow managed to wangle a mound of cream and marshmallows from her Mammy which disappeared pretty quickly. Before that however she came up a pretty random ditty about it being “So dreamy, so creamy, the best hot chocolate in the world!” Kudos to Mammy for her hot chocolate making skills! ☕️

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I am exhausted! I appear to have fallen into a bit of a food coma after tonight’s trip out but more about that below.
Lots of working for me today, including a number of Zoom calls so once again I was rocking the denim shorts and smart shirt look. I’m not sure I could go back to full suits in the office in future. Perhaps I could stay sat down in meetings so clients can’t see my bottom half!
Before I head off to bed, time for a quick top 5:

1. This morning was relatively (by Low standards) quiet and uneventful. Even M appeared not to be high on Haribo which is his usual default setting. I knew I would be home alone this afternoon for my work video conferences but needed to get some peace and quiet for the morning too. Of course my delightful children were shouting and screaming (although possibly that was singing) and my wife joined in at various points. I did hear the hoover going at points but it wasn’t until tonight that I learnt that E had been doing it. This new points system continues to work a treat although it is starting to cost me a few quid. I can’t wait to see this fairy garden when it is finished! 🧚‍♂️ 
2. For lunch, because it was so nice, Steph decided to make a little picnic for the kids and they could sit outside on the rug. So far so good. E sat really nicely and ate hers all up. M on the other hand started ripping his sausage roll into tiny pieces which he then brought into the house and scattered them around. After being suitably reprimanded and given a number of opportunities to sit nicely and eat it, eventually the remainder on his plate was tipped into the bin. He was not impressed. Cue more tears and stomping around. Of course he ended up getting his way when Aunty Nic gave him a bread and butter sandwich shortly afterwards! 🧺 
3. After leaving Aunty Nic, Steph took the kids to Great Grandma Marian’s garden to have a socially distanced visit. By all accounts that went well and kids were relatively well behaved. I know, I’m as surprised as you are!! They’ve cottoned on they get a bag of sweets for visiting and even wangled a Kit Kat (clearly only for the extra special great grandkids!!!) M did a great job of examining the flowers, basically looking like a Chelsea Flower Show judge. The only negative was right before they left when he just yanked a beautiful purple flower right out of one of the pots. Perhaps he was planning on delivering it to his girlfriend, but it wasn’t exactly subtle this time around. Poor Great Grandma was left with joy in her heart but with one less bloom! 💐 
4. When Grandad arrived at the house this evening he was delighted to receive a hug from M. His sister wasn’t far behind. He then climbed onto the coffee table and started doing a weird tap dance. Eventually I convinced Grandad to come down off the table(!) and instead M climbed up and did the same thing. He thinks the table is his own personal stage and even adds a “ta-dah” with his arms spread wide to signal he has finished. His sister’s love of performing is clearly hereditary, but I wish good luck to anyone who might want to give them some direction. They know best remember! 🤐
5. Tonight I took my long suffering wife out for our first meal out for over 5 months. There wasn’t anywhere we wanted to go other than Finbarr’s and as always it didn’t disappoint. Everything was amazing but special mention goes to the Raspberry Macaroon with Margarita Parfait. Worth a visit for that alone! The other special mention goes to Grandad who supervised the kids for us (well sat downstairs and played on his iPad for a couple of hours whilst they were in bed!) Very full and satisfied and ready for a kip now, as it Steph who is already snoring away! 🤤

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Hump day completed, and weirdly a day where Aberdeen unfortunately was trending on social media! No kids to keep us entertained so we both headed into the office and formed our own little bubble in the same room. I thought it would be lovely working together as normally we simply alternate our shifts. Of course the reality was somewhat different and very quickly Steph put her headphones on and started bopping away to her songs. Apparently she just wanted to stop listening to me witter on! 
Today also saw the excitement of a car service. Turns out it was due at the start of lockdown but given how little the cars have been used over the last few months I don’t think it made any difference. I do enjoy the excitement of that call you get late morning letting you know what needs doing and therefore how much the whole experience is going to cost you. It’s like putting a bet on and keeping your fingers crossed (except you are guaranteed to lose money every time!)
Somehow 5 interesting things still did happen today so here we go with the top 5:

1. As usual we were rudely woken up by the toe rags bounding into our bedroom. Today it was a 6.30am arrival but rather than just bouncing on my stomach they both crawled in with us which I’ll admit was quite cute. E snuck up from the bottom and lay between us whilst M clambered in next to me and cuddled in. I thought it might be nice to have a snooze together but of course 30 seconds later E started stamping her authority “Move over Daddy! You’re too hot and I’m getting too hot so you need to move!” I very politely reminded her that it was my bed and if she wasn’t happy she was welcome to leave. Well apparently that was me being “rude” and “grumpy”. I don’t think daddies can ever win! 🔥 
2. After being dragged out of bed E regaled is with a bit of early morning singing. It was a lovey sea shanty which appeared to be called “Sailing on the Six Seas”. I showered her with praise for a lovely rendition but gently pointed out that normally we talk about there being 7 seas. Every day a school day and all that. Well, I got a dressing down for that too. “It’s my song Daddy! I’ll sing it how I want.” How do you respond to that? If anyone needs cheering up at any time, just FaceTime me and I’ll put E on and then you try and stop her either singing you a song or dancing you a dance. Guaranteed to put a smile on your face! 🎤 
3. After I got back from work I headed out for a run (number 21 completed). I decided to do 8k but stupidly added in a little bit of incline which always kills me. I also went wandering in the woods for the first time in ages. Running with tired legs is really dangerous when tree roots keep popping up but I made it home in one piece. When I arrived back E opened the door for me and I heard M shouting “Da, Da, Da!” What a lovely thing to hear when you come into your house. It turns out when Steph arrived home with the kids (and I was still out running) M went to the bottom of the stairs, looked up and started calling for me. Your heart just melts to hear things like that! 💙
4. M discovered a new game today. Sadly for him it is a game that millions of children have discovered before him, however is not a game that any adult has ever played! It involves gathering together at least two different boxes of jigsaws and then pouring all the pieces onto the floor and mixing them together. I mean, he absolutely loves it but I suspect that’s because he knows that he isn’t meant to do it. So here I am not putting together jigsaws simply to make sure the right pieces go back in the right boxes. Jigsaws are meant to be a relaxing activity but I feel anything but as I try to work out what is Gruffalo, what is Cars and what is Planes. One at a time M, one at a time! 🧩 
5. Tonight the kids had pizza for their tea. It always goes down a treat but can be pretty messy so Steph likes to take any nice clothes off them so they don’t get stained. She did that tonight with M but E was left with her lovely pink dress on. And sure enough she started dropping pepperoni and tomato sauce down herself. Cue Daddy intervening and combining a clean up operation with a lecture about how to sit up and eat properly so that any crumbs fall onto the plate rather than onto her clothes. I felt it was a job well done as the kids headed off out of the kitchen. M has left a slice of his pizza so I quickly scooped that up as a little snack and of course immediately spilt some of the tomato sauce down myself. A quick change of top was needed before E saw me!! 🍕

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20 weeks!! It does seem like a lot has happened since I started this diary but in some ways nothing at all has changed. I’ve only been in the office a handful of times since I first packed up and headed home back in March but I headed in today for my first reunion with my secretary in all that time. It felt a little like old times, even though the office was 75% empty.
I left bright and early and so my wife was in full charge of Tweedledee and Tweedledum! The kids have had their moments recently so I was worried that I might return to a couple of bodies under the patio, but I’m delighted to report that all seemed to go very well and my whispering in their ears before I left seemed to work and they actually behaved. 
I’ve not been here to find a top 5 so it’s Steph’s choice today: 

1. The kids were once again full of beans this morning and raring to go at 6am. I did what I could to get them ready for the day before I sneaked off to the office for a proper rest. The one job in particular that Steph likes me to do before I leave is change M’s nappy. I don’t mind, as you will probably have worked out given how frequently his nappy changes have appeared in this diary over the last 140 days. As I pulled a new nappy from the pack (safely collected on Sunday to replenish the non existent supply) I noticed this pack says 360 Fit for No Leaks. I suspect that my little boy has read this and seen it as a challenge. Certainly this morning he had a pretty good go at leaking out both legs plus the front plus up the back. Sorry, I should have put a health warning on this one! 💩 
2. My wife clearly knows that my (many) talents do not include arts and crafts so she got that particular box out whilst I was well clear of the house. M seems to have been following in my footsteps but today was a turning point as he really enjoyed making his pictures. I think he might have been more focused on matching the animals and colours when sticking them down but he did a great job. E has always had an interest and her drawing is coming on a treat. Genuinely I think she is better than me already. I can sense a game of Pictionary is on the cards! 🖼
3. After a few days without it, Frozen 2 came back into their lives with a bang. E insisted on wearing her dress and then insisted on M wearing his Olaf costume. He didn’t take much convincing. They both know the whole movie from memory so can both belt out the songs and re-enact their favourite scenes. It turns out my boy wore his Olaf costume all day. It would save me a fortune if he decides to wear nothing but pyjamas and an Olaf costume for the next couple of years. Sadly my wife won’t allow him to leave the house in either so I guess him constantly growing out of his clothes and needing new ones will continue. ⛄️ 
4. I arrived home from the office to an extraordinary scene of M already in his pyjamas and the two of them tucked into self made beds in the living room. I did comment to E that I didn’t think sleeping on a coffee table would be particularly comfortable. Apparently they were “practicing” for when their cousin comes for a sleepover this weekend. I’m not sure that they need to practice although as E correctly pointed out, they are practicing every night! It was only later that I found out M had actually just woken up from a 2 and a half hour late afternoon nap. Those sedatives I left with Steph for use in emergencies only clearly came in handy! 😴
5. I’ve decided I have a love hate relationship with bath time. The three of us have so much fun with the silly games and the bubble bath. There is a lot of laughter but also a lot of angst as I’ve developed a real concern over the amount of water that ends up on the floor rather than staying in the bath. I think I’ve convinced myself it’s going to soak through the floor and therefore into the kitchen ceiling. I mentioned this to E tonight to try and encourage her to splash a little less exuberantly. Rather than setting a good example for her little brother she splashed a little more and when challenged simply said that she wanted to now soak the floor so we would have to redecorate the kitchen ceiling, “white is so boring Daddy, I’d like it to be purple now.” Talk about a backfire! 🛁

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Today was very very quiet. I was home alone and whilst that was certainly conducive to a productive day of #RemoteWorking it was a bit eery not having the usual family noises echoing up the stairs. They made up for it when they arrived home this evening, wolfing down their tea and then launching into full blown Frozen 2 mode as we bust out some moves in the living room whilst blasting out the soundtrack. They even put on their outfits over their pyjamas. Apparently I was playing the part of Sven…
Poor Grandma bore the brunt of my kids today and no doubt will sleep well tonight. I’m praying the kids will too especially after last night but you’ll need to read the top 5 to find out what I’m talking about.
Here we go:

1. We start with last night and shortly after posting my diary entry we headed off to bed. It was actually a bit of an early night. When we reached the top of the stairs we were shocked to find M standing waiting for us. The little tinker had gone down early but clearly thought it was just his afternoon nap so had bounced out of bed ready for more fun and frolics. We ended up taking him in with us so of course he spent the first few hours head butting his Mammy and kicking his Daddy in the head. By 3am I’d definitely had enough so took off to the spare room. I just about dropped off to sleep when E appeared, announcing that if M was sleeping with Mammy, she had to sleep with me. And so that was us until 6am with E using my tummy as a pillow (apparently it’s very squishy and comfy!) Fingers crossed we don’t get a repeat tonight. 🛌 
2. After feeding and watering the monkeys I decided to slip out for a cheeky Monday morning run just to get ahead of the timetable. The weather was glorious and the paths nice and quiet. I’m now half way through the Solo event. Today also saw the launch of the Great North Run Virtual (as opposed to the GNR Solo challenge). I was meant to be running a half marathon on 13th September so am kind of thinking I should probably sign up and get on with it even if it won’t be with thousands of spectators! I’ll let you know what I decide but I might need to ramp up my training if I go for it. Emma has kindly offered to accompany me as a pacer bike so that could be interesting. I don’t think she’d take any prisoners; she’ll probably wear a cap and a whistle and keep shouting at me to keep up! 🏃🏽
3. On the way to Grandma’s house this morning Steph enjoyed the usual nonsense banter from the kids. One discussion did stick in the mind however as they drove past a field of cows.
“Mammy, why are the cows all lying down? Are they having a meeting?”
“A meeting?”
“Yes. I wonder what their meeting is about. Or maybe they are just sunbathing.”
Steph told Grandad about this when they got there and he immediately asked E if she’d found out why cows go moo. She asked Steph who told her to ask her Grandad. He didn’t give the same answer as I did yesterday (because God made them that way) 🐄 
4. After tea but before our Frozen 2 danceathon I had to get the kids into their pyjamas. M wriggled a lot as usual so whilst I was dealing with him I asked E whether she wanted to wear a nightie or pyjamas. She said a nightie so I asked her where it was. She shrugged her shoulders and was clearly too busy daydreaming to even respond. At the third time of asking she wheeled round and snapped “why don’t you ask God?”
“God? Why would I ask God?”
“God knows everything so just ask him and I’m sure you’ll find them.”
Sure enough God provided her with some nightwear and all was well. I really have no idea where we found her! 💤 
5. Monday night = Yoga night and I like to think I’m getting the hang of it. I mean a lot of it is breathing which I mastered quite a few years ago but I was also pleased with my Eagle pose tonight. I do try to get in the right frame of mind and push out extraneous thoughts but it was extra hard tonight as there was a tub of Haagen-Dazs and the first ever episode of Line of Duty waiting for me at the other side. Somehow that programme has completely passed us by S1 E1 was great and I’m looking forward to working through the box sets. No spoilers please!! 🧘‍♂️

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And there we have it. Another weekend (and week!) completed and as I sit here nursing a glass of wine I’m reflecting on what an overwhelmingly positive week it has been. There is a lot going on outside our little bubble of 4 (both nationally and closer to home), most of it sadly negative, but inside the bubble we are doing not too bad at all!
We are very gradually returning to a bit of normality particularly in the forthcoming week. Steph is returning to her full hours at work and so the kids are spending 3 days at Grandma’s house to allow us to both do what we need to do. One negative of this is that I’m going to miss the kids. A lot. Phone calls with clients just won’t be the same without the jeopardy of M charging in shouting “Die!” or E sneaking in and asking a bit too loudly if I can help her wipe her bum.
Anyway back to today and the top 5 which is even longer than normal, so apologies in advance!

1. For a change this morning’s alarm was after 7am and fairly uneventful. The kids were just ready to get going and so I was dragged downstairs. The usual morning routine unfolded, which always includes a change of M’s wet overnight nappy. A fairly standard and uninteresting event. Certainly not a highlight but more of a necessity. Imagine my surprise therefore when after removing the old one and giving him a quick wipe, I reached into the nappy pack to find that it was empty. No real panic at that stage as Steph always has spares in a bag somewhere so I set out to look in the usual places. Sure enough in his change bag there was a clean nappy, but only one. And so I finished the job but thought to mention to Steph that I couldn’t find any more. This is where the difficult decision making began. It turned out there wasn’t a single clean nappy left in the house and we still had more than 4 hours until our click and collect weekly shop (including nappies) would be ready. Could we wait and just hope he didn’t fill this one? Or should we start potty training immediately to get us out of this sticky situation? Or did we need to go to another shop? Or should we go to Grandmas to collect a spare or two to get us through the day? Or could we possibly use the swimming nappy we had found which might tide us over? Whilst we were still debating M arrived on the scene pointing to his backside and sure enough had forced our hand! Swim nappy it was coupled with a quick run over to Grandmas! 💩 
2. Our nice lazy Sunday mornings have somehow morphed into our most active part of the week with Steph heading out first to complete her latest C25k run before we swapped and I pounded the pavements with a cheeky 8k. Tell me before lockdown that I’d be saying to my wife “I’m only going to do 8k this morning” and I’d have laughed in your face! I had a really positive run this morning after a couple of toughies earlier in the week and felt good throughout. Unfortunately Steph was caught in a rain shower but I managed to have glorious weather throughout. I even took on the big hill next to the house which I normally avoid like the plague but sneakily did it right at the start so there was lots of downhill after that! Nearly half way through my GNR virtual challenge and unbelievably ahead of schedule. Just got to keep it going! 🏃‍♂️ 
3. After my run, a shower and some lunch, I was looking forward to kicking back and having a nice chilled afternoon. Dream on Daddy! E’s new love of cycling knows no bounds and she wanted to go for a ride out along the lines. We decided to head to Grandma’s house, which we managed even though I misjudged the distance. It was over 8 miles which took a while as we had to keep stopping for E to scratch her nose! Of course she never stopped talking throughout much to the amusement of everyone we passed. A particular highlight was when she announced that she had “lots of questions” to ask me, which started with “Why do cows moo?” I knew it was going to be a long ride! Our tradition of singing “Into the Unknown” from Frozen 2 every time we cycle under a bridge so we can hear the echo has continued. I was thinking that’s the sort of thing I will never forget even when she is all grown up and with a family of her own. Lockdown has been great for memory making! 🚴🏼‍♀️
4. Whilst Daddy watched the end of the Grand Prix, the kids dug out a new jigsaw lent by Aunty Nic. E did most of it but M showed a lot of interest in his usual bulldozer manner. To their shock there was a piece missing and so a gaping hole was left when E finished and walked away. She wasn’t too bothered but M’s mind was completely blown. He set about searching the whole living room for the missing piece and when it didn’t turn up he started tugging at my leg and yabbering on. I think it finally sunk in that it wasn’t going to be found so he grabbed a couple of his Thomas trains and delicately placed them over the gap so you couldn’t see there was a piece missing. Even that wasn’t enough so he just pushed the whole thing off the table so it hit the floor and broke up. That’s the boy we know and love!!! 🧩 
5. Tonight saw a lovely smooth bedtime routine. The kids ate all their tea and happily jumped in the bath but not before M crawled around on the kitchen floor and ate all the crumbs. Perhaps we’re not feeding him enough but at least I didn’t have to hoover. In the bath E decided she wanted to be Marie Antoinette whilst M insisted on licking the bath water. Such is life in this house. After story time they both hit the sack and fell straight to sleep, whilst I took my socks off as the sole of my left foot has been hurting ever since my run. I was worried I had developed a blister so tentatively took a look. Sure enough there was something there but it wasn’t a blister. It was a small purple gem from one of E’s many artistic projects which has been ground into my sole so hard that it was wedged in place. I dug it out but there’s a big hole there now. Yet another event that definitely would not have happened without kids. They bring us so much joy and so much pain at the same time!! 💎

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I love a weekend. I mean I really love the change of pace and the fact I can spend oodles of time with my kids. Today was nothing if not eventful, especially this morning but I guess that made writing my diary that little bit easier. I sometimes ponder what life would be without the kids. I’ve decided today it would be dull. Really dull. 
Whilst as a country we stumbled into a new month, in my desire to have a nice chilled Sunday, I decided to take on all my chores today only taking breaks to supervise/entertain/break up the kids. That had mixed success as I suspect some of the events that made today’s top 5 wouldn’t have happened had I been fully focused on what the kids were doing. 
What top 5 I hear you cry? Well read on to find out…

1. I was awoken from my slumber (before 7am which is clearly unnecessary on a weekend) with the usual shoulder shake from E. She had her partner in crime beside her and she always releases him from his cage on her way to our room. The difference this morning was that she was talking very loudly. Shouting actually. “Wake up Daddy. Wake up! I need you now. There’s a butterfly in my room!” I duly obliged, half expecting to find a butterfly toy in her room but to my surprise there was indeed a butterfly trapped in one of her toy nets clearly in distress. A beautiful black and red specimen. Daddy stepped up to the plate and safely released it out of the window which resulted in about an hour of cuddles from my daughter as I was showered with thank yous. Who wouldn’t want to be her hero? 🦋
2. I nipped upstairs to speak to Steph and heard E calling. I told Steph it was her turn(!) so off she went. I wasn’t really paying attention but later found out that E was shouting “I need you. M’s taken his nappy off. Can someone help me put it back on for him?” Steph realised the potential seriousness of the situation so shot down the stairs and found the situation as shown in the photo below. M had put himself onto the change mat and E was busy wiping him down having looked out a clean nappy. I’m not sure whether we should be proud or a little concerned about her confidence! Fortunately it was only a wet one otherwise it could have been a very different outcome! 👶🏼 
3. Having narrowly avoided a nappy disaster you would think we would be on our guard. Our little man was clearly in troublemaker mode but we never learn! Once again we were both upstairs when E started screaming. I couldn’t really understand what she was saying but just made out the word “egg”. I dashed downstairs and found him making scrambled eggs on the living room carpet. Now I’m all for a bit of a full English breakfast on a weekend morning but it wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. I suppose the saving grace was that he’d carried 6 eggs through but had only cracked onto onto the carpet before his amazing sister called for parental support. I think you can tell from the photo that he knew he was in trouble! 🥚 
4. We headed out on a little adventure this afternoon to Hardwick Park. E decided that cycling on roads and paths is far too easy so she went trail racing through the woods whilst M and Daddy went looking for the Gruffalo and his friends. Even an unexpected downpour didn’t dampen our spirits and it was just great to be out and about in the fresh air. The inevitable highlight for Daddy was when M tripped over a tree route and face planted the ground. Fortunately it was pretty soft so he was absolutely fine but did get a mouthful of dirt. I asked Steph to take a photo but she firmly declined and instead insisted that I clean him up. The fun police were clearly out!! 😂
5. As usual, Saturday night means quiz night. For the 18th consecutive weekly quiz for the swimming club I donned my Viking helmet. The only problem with dressing up is that the kids sniff it out and want to get involved. My little darlings each interrupted at different points and stole the helmet. Sadly I’ve realised they pull it off much better than their father. Coming up with different quiz rounds is getting more and more challenging as the weeks go by, but fortunately my wife is all over that and just keeps coming up with new ideas. Single letter answers, animal noises and famous constructions were just three I used tonight. I can’t wait to see what she comes up with for next week… 🤓

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Well I am delighted (and a little relieved) to let you know that today was a FAR better day. We definitely finished the week on a high. I also wanted to thank those who sent messages this morning – I hadn’t intended yesterday’s post to be seen as a cry for help, but it’s lovely that so many of you care!!
I have a feeling the glorious weather today made it almost impossible to have a second rubbish day. Even being trapped indoors for most of it tied to my computer couldn’t dampen my spirits. As I write this diary entry there’s an almighty thunder and lightening storm going on overhead which I suppose is an appropriate end to such a scorching day!
Read on for today’s top 5:

1. Steph took the kids to see her mam today on the way to pick up some essential items from the shop. To their surprise, she had arranged to set up a stone painting station so E could design some pieces of art for her new fairy garden. What a lovely thought! Both kids took to it and wanted to be involved. I genuinely have no idea what this garden is going to look like at the end but she’s certainly having fun designing it. She just needs to pick up some more points on her challenges as I’m pretty sure she’s on negative today. I have no idea why as she’s been gorgeous when I’ve seen her but she’s developed an impressive ability to push her Mammy’s buttons. Fingers crossed for some calm tomorrow. 🎨 
2. I have to mention M today. He’s just so busy. I have no idea how a 2 year old finds quite so much to do. But I also have no idea how it has only taken him 2 years to develop a practical joker personality. Perhaps it is genetic! He literally looks for trouble and when he knows he’s doing something he shouldn’t he’s always looking over his shoulder to make sure he has an audience. Today’s highlight was a Friday special as I found him hitting the booze hard by emptying all of our bottles out of the alcohol stash. He had a particular liking for Jack Daniels. That might explain why he went to sleep so quickly tonight. 🤔
3. What else were we going to do after work other than fire up the barbecue? We do have a freezer full of butcher meat remember! I was forced to juggle cooking the burgers and sausages with a game of hide and seek as I had promised my daughter I would do that when I’d finished work. Our trees haven’t quite grown big enough yet nor I have shrunk horizontally enough yet to allow me to hide behind them. I gave it a pretty good go however. I didn’t bother with my special hiding place of the garage (she never finds me in there) as I needed to get back to my burning beef and pork. Actually it wasn’t as charcoaled as usual so that was yet another win for the day. 🌳 
4. In probably my worst decision of the day, I opted to sneak out for a little 5k run after tea. The only reason was that I was just under 5k short of hitting the 100k mark for the month of July. My competitive spirit won out despite everything else telling me to stay at home. I had food lying heavily on me, it was humid and sticky and I hadn’t really recovered after last night’s disastrous run. But off I set and just about made it round. I am delighted that I’m ahead of target for the Great North Run virtual challenge and just made that 100k. Sadly the clock resets at 0 tomorrow! 🏃‍♂️ 
5. The kids were completely hyper this evening, perhaps just confuddled by the hot day and the excitement of the forthcoming weekend. It started when I returned from my run and E insisted on presenting me with her “Daddy Dance”. It was really quite beautiful and brought a tear to my eye. It was themed on my running and involved some slow motion running, lots of thumbs up, blown kisses and heart symbols. What a cutie! Things sadly deteriorated from there as they both just went crazy around the living room dragging all the books out and chasing after each other. I was quite happy as I thought it might tire them out and as I listen upstairs I think I was right. This parenting malarkey is simples…. 🥳

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Today was a rough day. I can’t even be bothered dressing it up tonight. I have no idea what happened to tell you the truth; we didn’t have any warning, we didn’t have a bad night’s sleep, no one is ill. It just has been a really hard day. It’s weird because we had a few days like this early on in lockdown but I’d thought we’d learnt how to cope with everything 2020 has thrown at us. Clearly we were a tad overconfident about that! I went out for my 17th run tonight in the hope that would help but sadly it just made things worse!! I’m sure tomorrow will be a better day. 
This morning obviously started with the great TV remote controller hunt and I am delighted to reveal that it was finally located hidden in amongst M’s toys. I suspect many of you lost sleep last night at the thought of us being without TV, so you can rest easy in your beds tonight. 
Even on a downer of a day, we still managed to find a top 5 so let’s get going:

1. Steph came downstairs to find E in the bathroom getting drinks for her & M. They then clinked their cups and said cheers. She even managed to capture the moment on camera. I should make clear it was water from the sink and not the toilet bowl!! It was a more successful drinking session than earlier on when E tried to be a big girl and make her own drink in the kitchen but managed to put the tap on full blast and so flooded the kitchen as she held her cup underneath. As with everything with my kids, it is a work in progress. 🥤 
2. Following the Great Green Bottle Box Robbery earlier in lockdown when our recycle box went missing, the Council have finally delivered our replacement. This coincided with bin collection day so we needed to act quick to put our mark on the new one to try and prevent a repeat. Who do you call when you want some unique artwork on a random surface? My daughter of course! We had to rein her in a little and try and focus on painting numbers but I think she did a great job. Good luck to anyone who fancies walking away with this one! She also picked up a great points haul for helping Daddy out- roll on the fairy garden! 🍾
3. We made a big effort with the points today. As well as her points for painting, she also got some for tidying up, including her brother’s bedroom. Unfortunately this was offset by a point deduction for taking too long to put her socks on. Now that might sound harsh but whilst my long suffering wife got M’s socks on, her own shoes on, found M’s shoes from upstairs and put them on, got out the pushchair from the garage, had a conversation with E about how many points she gets for a mile (increased from 10 to 100) and wrote out her points so far, she only got one sock on!! She’s still made a few quid this week so we’re going to persevere with it all. 🧦 
4. During the family walk (which I missed due to my ongoing #RemoteWorking) they saw the horse on the way past. Unfortunately someone was already there so they walked past and made sure they walked the same way back. The horse was a little too far for E to reach but she was distracted by the flies. She has a thing about flying insects. “Mammy, will they sting me?”
“No”
“Are they wasps?”
“No”
“I’m still scared” 🙄
5. M’s highlight today seems to have been finding E’s magnetic building blocks. I actually got them out as E wanted me to build her a princess palace at lunchtime. The design was left to me but her only condition was that it needed to have balconies. I was actually really pleased with my construction but M immediately trashed it before I could even take a photo. After we’d finished, he took over and had so much fun putting all the pieces in order (both shape and colour). He then started moving the piles around the house from one place to the next; E’s bedroom, the stairs, the back bedroom and then the stairs again. The smallest things bring him so much joy and I’ve learnt not to question it but just enjoy seeing him in his happy little world! 🥰

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