LawyerLow Diaries

Thursdays are funny days I’ve decided. They are definitely beyond the hump day but they certainly aren’t the start of the weekend quite yet. They are just a day sitting there waiting to be completed like a really difficult level on a computer game. In my experience they start really slowly and then get faster and faster and suddenly they’re over and you haven’t done half of what you wanted/needed to get done. 
Perhaps it was just that it was my weekly trip to the office today and it was a full blown day there so I had very little contact with my darlings. I know I’ve said it before but I’m now far too used to seeing them whenever I want and even when I don’t want!! The noise of them in the background is definitely comforting and silence usually means trouble when the two of them are involved. My poor wife was left to supervise double trouble, and whilst she is clearly more than capable, it appears they pushed her right to the limit in my absence. 
More of that to come as we delve into today’s top 5:

1. Indoor picnics seem to have become a bit of a theme during lockdown whether to replace proper meals or a make believe game for the kids. It feels like every morning I find them in the hall with everything laid out ready (the usual picnic treats you have at 7.30am like tins of tomatoes, blocks of cheese and hot dog buns!) I asked E this morning why they have it in the hallway right outside the toilet and, of course, she had a very good answer. “I like to have my picnics near a loo so I don’t poo myself.” Such logic and common sense coming from one so young. Maybe I should take a leaf out of her book! 🧺 
2. Before I headed to the office I managed to squeeze in a quick reading session with E. She picked another of her reading books which heavily focus on rhyme. Today’s selection was called “Cow takes a bow”. It was all about a cow who wanted to watch the circus when it was in town but it was sold out. By happy coincidence the resident clown went awol so Cow was thrust into the centre of the ring in a clown outfit. She went down a storm and so took a bow at the end. Happy, uplifting, funny. All E wanted to know is why I made a comment when we found out it was a girl cow. “Daddy, if it was a boy cow then it would be a Bull, and then that wouldn’t rhyme with “now” and “bow”.” I really need to think before I speak! 🐮 
3. The main activity lined up by my wife today was arts and crafts which followed on from Grandpa’s visit yesterday. There were some new paint sticks which caused much excitement. There was actually a short period where both of my offspring sat nicely, beside each other, and “painted” some pictures. Oh the perfect family joy and Steph even captured a photo so this blissful moment could be remembered forever. It didn’t last, but that’s not the point! Anyway, I looked through the various pictures when I got home and found a rather strange one which was clearly the family out for a walk as there was our house in the distance and a path. My eye was drawn to the figures however as there were two tall ones and two smaller ones. The big that concerned me was the presence of a fifth figure, quite small, and squeezed into the tummy of one of the adults. I shall be discussing this with my daughter in the morning! 😲
4. I arrived home very late but just in time to help put the kids to bed. It is definitely my favourite part of the day as there is something so lovely about reading them stories, tucking them in and telling them you love them and to have good dreams. Unfortunately I hadn’t realised that instead of walking into this blissful scene I was going to walk into my worst nightmare. I clearly had picked the worst time! Steph was hiding in the kitchen, gently rocking and saying she had had enough. The kids were in the living room, in their pyjamas to be fair, but the whole place looked like a bomb had gone off. Every possibly toy strewn across the floor. M’s new basketball hoop somehow completely deconstructed ready to be flat packed away. An ultimatum had just been given: tidy up now or go to bed with no story. Reluctantly the latter had been chosen and so I was left to enforce and it took every ounce of my being to hold firm as E weeped and wailed. I feel great that I gave my wife my full support and showed a united front but of course I had to promise to read extra stories tomorrow as the quid pro quo. Maybe I am weak after all! 💣 
5. Tonight we’ve quizzed and then we’ve set about tackling the huge washing pile. I have no idea how we manage to accumulate so many dirty clothes (well, actually I take that back as we have two little horror bags which explains it!) Anyway, I was hanging up some clothes on the clothes horse and I noticed that E’s shorts are actually shorter in length than M’s shorts. I mean I know he is growing fast but then again so is she. I thought I had at least a little bit of time before I would have to start lecturing her about the length of her outfits. She’s 5 for goodness sake! I’m slightly reassured that she only really wears them under her dresses but only because they are also incredibly short on her. I feel a shopping trip coming on and we can find some nice, full length outfits! 🩳

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There are a lot of ways to wake up that sets you up nicely for the day. There are also lots of ways to wake up which makes you think it’s not going to be a good day at all! Today’s wake up call was a constant bleeping which, upon a hazy investigation, turned out to be the low battery noise of one of our smoke detectors. Now inevitably this wouldn’t sound during the daytime but only in the early hours of a Wednesday morning. And so the day began. 
Today was a bit of a weird day. The weather couldn’t decide what it was doing and neither could we. In the end it became a mixed bag of everything, which sometimes can end up being really fun. And anyway, any day with my two crazy cats is never going to be lacking fun! I should also clarify that M didn’t start bleeding today but rather ate a cherry which he found a little sharp for his liking (the photo below needed some explanation!)
Buckle in for today’s Top 5:

1. “Why do you know everything Daddy?” What a great start to a conversation! Unfortunately it was trick question set up by my daughter who just knew I was going to accept the proposition. She then launched into a series of questions presumably designed to try and catch me out. She even prefaced them with the line “and you can’t check your phone Daddy, as that’s cheating.” I thought I was doing okay with at least passable answers until she hit me with “how do buses work?” Now the working of the internal combustion engine is not my forte but try explaining it to a 5 year old! Amazingly she just hooked onto the word “cylinder” and that seemed to satisfy her. Daddy remains the all knowing oracle! 🤩
2. M’s continuing to pick up new words for his ever growing vocabulary every day. Today saw the addition of “more” which was repeated over and over again particularly following the end of his breakfast pudding, lunch pudding and tea pudding (all of which have become things in our house during lockdown!) Steph is ever so slightly upset that he now says “more food” but refuses to say “Mammy”. He knows exactly who she is and how to get her attention but just won’t utter the word. I slip him a fiver every day to keep doing it, but don’t tell the wife! 🤐
3. We had a lovely visit today from Grandpa who stopped in on his way back home. The kids were delighted to see him and hosted a nice little picnic lunch for him. Well actually E hosted it as M decided to have a 2 hour kip on the sofa. There followed a full blown arts and crafts session involving feathers, pipe cleaners, pom poms and copious amounts of glue. I’m glad Grandpa was there to lead it as creative arts is certainly not my forte! I do worry that E’s drawings of our family are already more skilful than mine, not that it’s a high hurdle to overcome. 🖼 
4. Highlight number 4 of today was Frozen 2. I need say nothing more. It has all been said before in my diary, let’s be honest. I was happily working away upstairs and I heard that familiar tune floating up the stairs. I knew what was coming next. And so it began. My two kids belting out the songs like no one was listening, dancing around the living room like no one was watching. Pure, unadulterated icy joy! I love seeing them so happy. ⛄️ 
5. Steph has suddenly decided to take #HomeSchooling to a new level today. 10 A4 purple jotters arrived and before I knew it she had Emma’s speed words written out with different writing exercises set out on each page. I genuinely don’t know where this new found motivation has come from but E lapped it up and tonight, as I’m writing this diary entry, Steph is sitting like a proper teacher preparing the pages ready for tomorrow’s lessons. I do worry a school bell might ring tomorrow morning and I’ll be forced to sit on the living room floor for an assembly led by Mrs Low! Suddenly a day in the office sounds like a good option. 📖

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For the first time in a long time Daddy Daycare took centre stage as Steph headed into the office for the first time in over 3 months. I’m surprised I’m still awake this evening as they ran me ragged and I’m not quite sure where the time went.
We had a list of jobs Daddy really wanted to do so as to surprise Mammy before she came home from work. Inevitably that was overly ambitious and I reduced my expectation to just making it through the day in one piece. We did get the red car cleaned, a bit of housework and some reading with E so it wasn’t a complete disaster. The kids both survived too, with no broken bones so I’m chalking that up as a win!
As always, certain things stick in the mind and therefore land a spot in today’s top 5:

1. My poor boy is definitely in the phase of following his sister around like a lost child. It started this morning when I first came downstairs and found them sitting having a picnic together. He just loves her so much and wants to copy everything she does. We went outside this morning to use the bubble machine and whenever E went chasing bubbles M was bound to follow. They were determined to try and catch one. Later on they appeared in the kitchen together, holding hands, with a packed bag asking if they were in the airport as they were going on holiday together. Please, please, please let them continue to be this close and friendly to each other as they get older! Steph thinks that is wishful thinking! 👫
2. I had to take the kids with me as we visited E’s school to collect her yearly report. I was a tad confused when we received the message asking us to pop in to collect it as I haven’t even had a chance to write it yet! It turned out it only covered the period up to the start of lockdown and fortunately the comments did sound like they were talking about our daughter. I often wonder whether E acts the same way at school as she does at home. Boy, I hope not! When we were leaving I’d forgotten that some of her classmates would be in the playground as their parents are key workers. They were so excited to see each other even if it was through the railings (which made me think it looked like a zoo, but I was unsure which side was inside the cage!) Good luck social distancing these girls when they are all back in September! 🏫 
3. On our way back from school we were passing close by Great Grandma Marian’s house and E asked if we could visit her. I explained that we could stop in and wave through the window but as it happened she was out in the garden and so we had an impromptu socially distant visit. E was a little nervous about visiting as she knows the older people are at higher risk with Covid-19 and that made GGM the “most delicate of all my grandmas”. Any anxiety was quickly dissipated when a chocolate biscuit and then a bag of sweets appeared for her and M. She is so easily bought! But it was lovely to spend a little bit of time together and the kids even had a little boogie on the patio! 👵🏼
4. In the car on the way home E started a conversation about the time she got stung by a stinging nettle. “Do you remember Daddy?”
“Yes of course, I was there! It wasn’t nice was it?”
“It was horrible Daddy. It really hurted!”
“You mean it really hurt?”
“No Daddy, you don’t understand it really hurted.”
“I do understand. I just meant that we don’t say hurted, we just say hurt.”
“But it happened before so we add ‘ed’.”
“Ummm ok. That’s right but some words are different and we don’t follow the normal rules.”
“Whatever Daddy. You’re just upsetting me now. But I’m trying to stay calm as I don’t want to get angry with you. Don’t make me shout at you. This isn’t school. I just wanted you to remember when my leg really hurted!” 🙄
5. E spent this evening being downright offensive to me after she asked how old I was. When I told her 35 she asked how old I would be at my birthday next month. I obviously said 36 but she then cut across me and said “No Daddy, you will be an old man.” I mean the cheek of it! She proceeded to stagger around the kitchen pretending to use a walking stick as she portrayed her fast approaching old aged Daddy. She found the whole thing hilarious and wouldn’t even listen as I tried to explain to her that the only thing aged about me is my hair colour and that was entirely her fault! If you get an invite to my surprise birthday party (which she just keeps mentioning to me) feel free to decline as we’ll just be sucking on Werther’s Originals and reminiscing about the war! 👨🏼‍🦳

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111 days seems like a lot of days to share your daily comings and goings with the world but somehow here we are. And a Monday to boot. Boy, everyone loves a Monday! Back to #RemoteWorking, back to #HomeSchooling and back to juggling a hundred balls at once!
After a really fun weekend we did come down to earth with a bump, dragging ourselves out of bed at the insistence of our children who were up at the crack of dawn. They seem to have worked out the difference between a weekday and the weekend which is rather clever of them. Steph and I have definitely binned all alarm clocks in the house (except the infamous GroClock) as they serve no purpose whatsoever. We just rise when the kids do. Bring on the teenage years and we can all sleep into lunchtime!
Right, enough babble and let’s kick off with today’s top 5:

1. After a really busy morning of work I got to take the kids out for our lunchtime walk. It was only a short one designed to get M to sleep before a second special Daddy/daughter excursion. Even in that time E managed to come out with a cracker. She picked up a stick along the way and kept smashing it off the ground trying to break it in two. Daddy fixed that problem with a quick crack over his knee and suddenly she was “playing the violin”. I asked her if she wanted to learn to play a musical instrument and she immediately replied saying “yes and I know which one.” When asked to elaborate it turns out she has already decided she wants to play the guitar. But it has to be an electric guitar. And she’ll need to have pink gloves. And it has to be a purple guitar with a wire so she can “rock out!” Who is this girl?!? 👩‍🎤
2. As everyone else seemed to realise except for me, now that E has mastered her cycling she wants to do nothing other than go out on her bike! So after M hit the land of nod we quickly took him home and E headed out with me for a run. She was the pace bike. We clocked up 2 miles and I only had to push her along on a couple of inclines to keep her going. She continues to be the girl who never forgets so kept shouting out that her feet were wrong and she was pedalling with her heels instead of her toes. I apparently told her this last year at Center Parcs and of course she has remembered! I tried to help her adjust whilst in full flow and simply managed to allow her to run over my right foot with her back wheel. Next time I might just tell her to stop. It was lovely to have the company – maybe a full 5k next time… 🚴🏼‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 
3. Steph continued her education lessons with the kids, focusing today on hits from the late 1990s. After 5,6,7,8 she switched on Aqua’s Barbie Girl. TUNE! E loved it and insisting on going upstairs to find her Barbie and Barbie car. But when she brought them down she put her Kristoff doll in the driving seat with Barbie beside him. When asked by Steph why she had done that she explained that it needed to be a man driving. That was challenged with comments about how Mammy drives but quickly rebutted with the classic “But Daddy drives you around everywhere!” No wonder I love her so much! 👨‍👧
4. We had a very hyper bath time and bedtime routine tonight for no apparent reason. Both kids were flying around, screeching and squealing. It was fun for me but not so much for my wife who was still working. I finally got them downstairs to get them into their pyjamas and calm down but I just ended up with you wet towels abandoned on the floor and two naked children charging around. After I captured them and got them ready for bed they then jumped onto my lap and E started showering me with kisses. When I asked why she just fluttered her eyelashes at me, smiled and said “because you’re my favourite Daddy!” My heart melted but I also realised I didn’t know I had competition! 🥰
5. You just knew that today’s top 5 would finish with my yoga class from this evening. It’s definitely something else I never thought I would get into and if you’d told me pre lockdown I’d be attending a weekly class I’d probably have laughed at you. And I would definitely have laughed at you if you’d suggested a few weeks ago I could hold a crow pose (not that I would’ve known what that was!) I’m just relieved Steph managed to get a photo before I fell flat on my face! Oh and that the kids were in bed otherwise they would’ve tried to crawl underneath me which would’ve been rather dangerous! 🧘‍♂️

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Well, there we have it. Sunday night and a chance to look back and ask again how it is possible for a weekend to disappear so quickly?
Today was a big day for lots of reasons, most of which feature in the top 5 below. I just knew it was going to be a good one when I awoke at one minute to 8am and realised that we had all managed a long lie. And on a Sunday morning too! To be fair I suspect M had been up for a while but he plays nicely in his room until E goes through and lets him loose (although he did manage to empty all of his drawers and dump every item of clothing over the baby gate and into the hallway). What a toe rag!
So what made it into today’s top 5?

1. Today’s number one has been the easiest to decide on of the whole lockdown! My biggest goal when this all started was to make sure we had E riding her bike by the summer and today we achieved that with aplomb. We haven’t exactly been out every day practicing but today was the day and we were both adamant we were going to crack it. Typically it was the windiest day of the year and not exactly the easiest conditions for mastering balance but nothing was going to stop us. So off we went and to my amazement I just gave her a start and away she flew. Definitely one of the happiest days in a Daddy’s life! A huge well done E – I’m so proud of you! 🚴🏼‍♀️ 
2. Second on my to do list today was get the red car fixed. We are hoping to go on a bit of a trip next weekend and it occurred to me that the car now hasn’t moved in over 3 months and the battery will be flat as a pancake. After roping in some of my long suffering neighbours with a half baked plan to jump start it, I ended up just calling the AA and they gave me the news I knew was coming. It turned into a far more expensive Sunday than I was expecting but I now have a shiny new battery. Just need to get the brakes tested so I get the kids strapped in tomorrow and head to Barnard Castle… 🚘
3. The day did get better as 2 minutes after the AA man left my in laws turned up for their first indoor visit since lockdown began. We had spent most the morning cleaning and baking an afternoon tea. Bear in mind no one has stepped past the front door for over 3 months so Steph obviously wanted the place tidy. She had baked a Weetabix cake (yes, you read that right!) and I knocked together some cheese scones. Mary Berry would’ve been proud! It was really nice to host a little tea party and the kids loved seeing their grandparents. The only negative was that I returned to my ways earlier on in lockdown overindulging on cheese and booze but at least this time it was on a weekend and not a school night! 🧁
4. M was once again on superb form, causing carnage and laughter in equal measure. He started off this morning wanting to come riding with E but had to settle for running round the garden in her wellies. There was absolutely no way he was going to have a nap this afternoon as he was too busy holding court and playing with his sister’s dolls. Bless him, when I took him up to bed tonight I tucked him in and then went to read E a story in her bed. When I came back out and looked in on him he was already flat out. The mind boggles at what kind of dreams he will have tonight but I suspect they will involve headstands and his sister, those being his two favourite things at present. 😴
5. Weirdly today has had a bit of a Hamilton theme as we firstly watched Lewis make a mess of the first F1 race of the reason and tonight have sat down to watch the stage show for the first time. We’ve heard nothing but good reports about Hamilton and it certainly didn’t disappoint. Incredibly funny, interesting, emotional and impressively staged. Can’t wait to go and see it live at some point. 🇺🇸

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So the pubs, restaurants and hairdressers are open today but we didn’t visit any of those. In fact, we are still in our little bubble doing exactly the same as we have been doing for the last 108 days. I’m sure we will venture out at some point as we can’t stay in lockdown forever!
In the meantime it’s been a pretty standard Saturday, quiz writing, a little run and doing the weekly shop. It was a pretty uneventful day until you factor in my two delights and you suddenly have a busy and challenging day!
Here we go with a weekend top 5:

1. A busy week meant that I hadn’t had a chance to even think about starting preparing my quiz for tonight until this morning. Steph has been helping a huge amount over the last few weeks whilst on furlough and so I’d forgotten quite how long it takes to write it. I’ve been pondering what to do with all of these questions after lockdown is over, as I must have over 1,000 now. Perhaps I’ll write a quiz book to go alongside my published diary! You can definitely tell I have two little kids however as I don’t realise until I’m hosting the quiz quite how many Disney based questions I manage to squeeze in. I can’t help but feel it will end up being my specialist subject before too long! 🤓 
2. I dragged myself out in the rain for the 4th instalment of my GNR Solo challenge. It was actually dry when I left the house so I made the mistake of going along the old railway line rather than the roads and ended up sliding around in the mud and splashing through the puddles. There’s something life affirming about running in the rain though. It’s hard to describe, especially as a non-runner (and I do still class myself as that!) but it’s somehow more motivational knowing that you’re not just waiting for some nice weather. I might not feel the same over the next 36 runs but for now I’m just going to enjoy the feeling! 🏃‍♂️ 
3. For no apparent reason the kids decided that today was going to be about tower building. They couldn’t even wait to get the building blocks downstairs, stopped half way to build. There is a definite division of the roles between them. E takes pride in being the builder and M is definitely the demolition expert. Given that he is a wannabe rugby player the whole concept of taking down anything is high on his list of joys. The only other things that come close, to his mind, are his regular releases of wind and singing along to Frozen 2. Small things but they bring him so much happiness! 🤪
4. I successfully navigated a much busier supermarket today to complete our weekly shop. With full cupboards and a bulging fridge I was left in the charge of making tea, such were the options. I was not trusted entirely and so was given a choice of 6 recipes, all of which had been vetted by Steph. I opted for some homemade turkey tikka burgers with raita which came together really nicely and were proper tasty. I shouldn’t have been so cocky however as I had not appreciated that where there was an option to either mix by hand or use the blender it had been expected I would do the latter. What does it matter? I heard you cry. Well quite a lot apparently as the presence of non blended spring onions within the burgers meant that they were ruined and not fit for my wife’s consumption. All the more for me I suppose but being a husband (even after 7 years) continues to be a steep learning curve. I need to keep trying to master my mind reading skills. 🤷🏼‍♂️
5. Whilst we’ve been working with E on her schoolwork, M hasn’t been forgotten and he’s trying to pick up new words. E is very keen to be his teacher and keeps saying “don’t worry, I’ll work on that word with him”. I dread to imagine which words she would prioritise if it was up to her (no doubt “pudding” would feature very high up the list!) He still loves E’s Frozen sled toy and Steph has been teaching him the names Anna, Elsa, Olaf and Sven. The only problem is that any time she holds up the Elsa doll he just starts belting out “Let It Go”! He’s definitely mastered Yes and No but sadly prefers the latter! Feel free to put forward any requests and I’m happy to try and teach him! 🗣

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And in a flash another week of work is done and we all have a weekend to look forward to. A wet July weekend. The joy! At least we can go the pub tomorrow although personally I couldn’t think of anything less appealing at present. Instead we will be doing our usual of being anti social and avoiding as many people as we can! I guess the weekly trip to the supermarket will continue to be a highlight but only so I can count how many different styles of face masks I spot. 
Today was a good day upon reflection as whilst we stayed indoors the kids were pretty good (that counts as a ringing endorsement these days). E actually agreed to do some #HomeSchooling and ate all three of her meals with not a single complaint. M on the other hand decided that plates are no longer relevant in his life and preferred instead to categorise all food items and line them up on the table. Oh how we laughed!
Right a Friday night top 5 for you to sample:

1. What a lovely wake up call. I emerged to my slumber to the sound of E’s voice saying. “Would you like a cuddle Daddy?” I mean what more could a man ask for to get him into a positive frame of mind and ready for the day. I muttered “yes please” but instead of getting a cuddle I got a reply, “Just a minute then. I need to go and wipe my snot away as you don’t want child’s snot on you!” Oh, the joys of children and their disgusting ways (although perhaps not that disgusting since she went to get a tissue rather than using my shoulder or hair.) 😪
2. I heard a lot of noise coming from downstairs as I was finishing off before lunch. I was intrigued as to what was happening so when I came down I asked E who replied with “Do you know what a pillow fight is Daddy?” I mean I was dominating pillow fights well below I reached adulthood let alone had children. So I confidently replied that I certainly did know what a pillow fight was and I was immense at them. And so it was on. We cleared the living room and I took on the kids in a no holds barred grudge match. The only problem was that I hadn’t realised that as a parent you can’t really go all out otherwise you will genuinely hurt your own flesh and blood. I also hadn’t realised quite how fast my kids are and it’s very complicated when there are two of them running rings around you. And so it ended up with me lying on the floor and them jumping up and down on my stomach. I put on a brave face and to E’s credit she was a good winner but secretly I died a little inside! 💪
3. This afternoon’s matinee was Wreck it Ralph (the second one- yes apparently there are two!). Not a film I’ve ever seen and neither has E. M had finally gone down for his nap and Steph managed to convince E that it would be more fun to watch something new rather than Frozen 2 (again!) It didn’t last long however as E then appeared upstairs and asked if she could stay with me. When I asked why she revealed that Mammy was making her watch a movie about a virus and she didn’t like viruses as they stop her going to school and seeing her friends and seeing her Grandmas. I was a tad confused as to what global pandemic movie Steph had put on and why that would have been appropriate for a 5 year old. I quickly learnt the movie was about a computer virus but clearly just the V word has triggered a negative reaction. 💻 
4. Steph took on some RE work with E this afternoon and in particular completed some worksheets about God being our shepherd. As ever this prompted some challenging questions from E about shepherds and sheep. She had particular concerns about us all being called sheep “because we’re not sheep, we’re humans!” Apparently our lack of a woolly coat is definitive reasoning for a 5 year old. Sometimes I’m delighted that my wife takes the brunt of the schoolwork! 🐑 
5. Tonight has been another battle to get the kids to bed. They normally go down so easily but not this week! M decided to trash his bedroom tonight when he was meant to be asleep and made such a racket they we had to bring him down. When up sorting that out Steph heard a noise from E’s room and went in to find her hiding her kindle which she had smuggled into her room so she could watch Sarah & Duck. So she ended up downstairs as well. I gave her a good telling off about smuggling things into her room and locked the kindle away in a cupboard. Interestingly it occurred to me that this would be the same approach I would take if she ever smuggles things into her bedroom in future, including any boys! 😏

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When I sat down to write today’s diary entry I was trying to think of how to sum up the day. It’s been difficult mainly because my children are refusing to go to sleep which manifests either with just coming downstairs constantly or, in the case of the youngest, screaming until we feel we have no choice but to pick him up. There had better be some long lies tomorrow otherwise everyone will be knackered and Friday will not be as happy a day as it should!
The weather continues to be pretty pants considering it is July. I excitedly look at the forecast every day, only to be left disappointed. Maybe I was right after all and May saw the start and end of the summer.
A busy day of #RemoteWorking mixed in with attempts to get some #HomeSchooling completed but there was still enough to make a top 5:

1. Steph and I have both continued with our running which has added an extra level of complexity given there are only 24 hours in the day. My allocated slot was 7.30am so out I went and splashed through the puddles. Weirdly I prefer morning runs, presumably because if I don’t get it out of the way I risk putting it off until it is too late to do it. 3 runs in 5 days but still 37 to do to complete my GNR Solo challenge. These things always seem like good ideas before you begin! 🏃‍♂️ 
2. As usual I took the kids out for our daily walk at lunchtime whilst Steph completed her run. That is definitely something I miss on the days I have to go into the office as it is the best time for my chats with E. The only negative is that sometimes I have to encourage her to keep walking at a pace above that of a snail. A very tired snail. Today I let M run the first bit to tire him out before strapping him into his pushchair. I then set off and turned to E who was lagging behind already. “Come on E!”
“I think I’d like a lie down and a cupcake. And a drink. And a deckchair.”
“Sorry, what?”
“A holiday Daddy. I need a holiday. Some sand and some cake and some drinks. Not alcohol because that’s only for you and Mammy. But a mocktail for me. Can we go on holiday as my legs are tired?”
Suffice to say today’s walk took quite a while! 🏖 
3. We tried really hard today to get E back engaged with some educational material. Initially she tried to tell me that today was a weekend. “Thursdays and Sundays Daddy” but her tune quickly changed when I explained that just meant she had to do schoolwork on Saturday instead. We then asked her what she wanted to do and she mentioned Egypt so Steph printed off a load of activity sheets. It was a bit of a random mix of ancient and modern so Daddy started with the ancient (“because you are old Daddy, aren’t you!”) We started with some hieroglyphics and she had to work out the names of the Egyptian gods by matching the symbols to the letters. She actually really enjoyed it especially when we finished by getting her to write her own name in hieroglyphics (feather, owl, owl, hawk in case you’re interested!) What was even more fun was asking Daddy to google the gods so she could see the pictures of the half human half animal creatures. She did remind me at the end that there is only one real God… 🇪🇬
4. I am sorry to report that for the second time this week my son has drawn blood from my face. As far as our fights go it is definitely M 2 Daddy 0. Tonight’s altercation occurred after he tried to snap his new basketball hoop by using it as a seesaw. He was suitably reprimanded and was invited to come and say sorry. Instead he started clawing at my face like some kind of deranged badger (well that’s how I’d imagine a badger would fight) and in a very cleverly disguised move which fooled me completely managed to ram a finger up my left nostril and scratched me. E noticed the blood dripping from my nose and immediately took off upstairs to find help and returned with Steph and a Disney plaster. I am worried I might end lockdown with not only a scarred face but perhaps also a scarred daughter as when the bleeding stopped she wanted to know where the blood had gone and whether I was going to die from the blood loss. 🤕
5. My awesomeness continued tonight as I surprised Steph with a Pizza and Prosecco night ready for when she finished her late shift. Apparently it’s a thing and I took inspiration from the fact that an Amazon box arrived and to my surprise it contained 6 bottles of Prosecco. Steph reassures me that she “won” it in an online competition but I have my suspicions. I’m trying hard to steer away from the midweek drinking especially after taking the recycling out tonight and seeing all those miniature bottles (and not so miniature bottles) of gin and whisky in there. I don’t need to worry for the next three days though as they all count as weekend days, don’t they? 🍾🍕

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Wet Wednesdays are never a joy but at least we are over the hump. Today marked the big day of Steph’s return to work and in true style she designed some shift patterns that involved her starting at 7am and finishing at 8pm. I don’t know where she gets it from but she’s such a hard and conscientious worker and I’m delighted she’s back. I think I got some brownie points by having a gin and tonic ready for her when she came downstairs with the homemade cottage pie in the oven.
The knock on effect of this is, of course, that I have to have (or should that be am blessed to have) more time with my little rascals. They were in good form again today, despite the weather, with us managing to bring the number of times we wanted to throttle them down into single figures. Perhaps that is a figure the Government should be publishing as part of their daily data. 
A few gems today so let’s crack on with the top 5:

1. One feature of lockdown in lots of homes has been home baking. Pictures of all ages dusting off their aprons and plunging their hands into bowlfuls of flour have flooded social media. The novelty seems to have worn off recently and so it has been the case in the Low household. But E was adamant that today was the day to get Daddy involved as she really wanted to make some Toy Story cupcakes. And as much as Daddy protested and whined, he knew he was never going to get out of it and secretly knew he wanted to get involved. And so the sickly sweet chocolate icing was beaten and the batter mixed. The oven preheated and the spoon and bowl licked clean. And boy were they tasty. I wonder what I’ll get roped into knocking together tomorrow (whilst still pretending to be a reluctant baker!) 🧁
2. I sent down M with his clothes this morning so I could get him ready after breakfast. I then got distracted with E and so Steph popped down to do it. There were his trousers sitting in the middle of the living room but nothing else. She searched everywhere but couldn’t find the rest of his outfit. Had they ended up in the same place as our toothbrush heads? If so we knew we would never see them again! Daddy then rocked up and set out trying to solve the mystery. The first place I looked was M’s favourite place in the kitchen – the wine rack. He loves to put his little toys in there and often stores his dummies in there, just as a back up in case we hide them. And sure enough, tucked right at the back were his clothes. What a tinker! I did double check for the toothbrush heads but sadly no such luck. 👕
3. We decided to brave the weather at lunchtime and sneak out for our daily mile between the rain showers. M was strapped into the pushchair and we marched off whilst eyeing the black clouds. I tell you what, we set a PB for the fastest mile so far during lockdown. The usual complaining from E about Daddy having big (long) legs didn’t appear at all especially when it started to spit. M was loving it and steadfastly refusing to go to sleep as he held his hands up to feel the rain. E started wittering on about unhelpful things like “Why didn’t we bring any coats Daddy?” and “Why don’t you have an umbrella Daddy?” I’m not sure my response of “Don’t worry you won’t dissolve” quite hit the mark! ☔️ 
4. This afternoon also saw the rest of Goat in a Boat as I took over a big chunk of the #HomeSchooling – you’ll be relieved to hear that all ended well as Goat found Stoat and together they saved the castle from an invading army of Foxes. Sorry for the spoiler! We also did some of her online spelling and phonics but boy is it hard work! I once again don’t know how teachers do it. The problem is E knows exactly what to do but is so easily distracted. One of the tasks today was to match one of the 3 phrases to a picture. All she wanted to do was tell me a story about the picture rather than read the words. Her favourite was definitely “the log in the tub” and she came up with a lot of different reasons why it might have ended up in the bath! Creative writing here we come… 🛁
5. This evening saw a ruckus in the house. Now I don’t use that word lightly but it was a full blown sibling fight which we really haven’t experienced before. I found out afterwards that E had spent ages building a Frozen palace out of the tent, M’s basketball hoop and a yoga mat and was really pleased with how it had worked out. Her little brother has different ideas and starting pulling it all down and she saw red. Cue a blow out as she stormed out of the living room and up to her bedroom whilst screaming at anyone who would listen (I mean how could we ignore it!) about how unfair her life was and she wished she lived by herself and wished she didn’t even have a brother! A little insight into the years to come I’m sure but fortunately for today she quickly calmed down and agreed that she did still love her brother and he didn’t really understand what he was doing. 😡

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Tuesday ✅ Not just any Tuesday however. The end of yet another month in lockdown and the end of Steph’s furlough. Tomorrow is going to present a whole new challenge as suddenly we will see the return of shift working and Daddy returning to the classroom. Actually it’s not a whole new challenge at all, and seems vaguely familiar!
As I write this I’ve just realised that no one has left our house today. We are clearly still taking the stay at home message very literally! Being cooped up inside is not good at all however and will need to be remedied tomorrow. Daddy daycare will no doubt include an outing at lunchtime even if it means wellies and jackets!
The kids imagination continues to run wild and E spent much of the day pretending to be a doctor, receiving emergency calls and rushing around with her doctors bag. This actually came in handy when M attacked me this evening and scratched across my forehead. The “doctor” was very concerned about my scar and gave me some medicine to make me better. Bless!
So a few things did happen today and they make the top 5:

1. In amongst the tidy out at the weekend we discovered a sign for E’s bedroom which, rather inventively, says “E’s Room”. I don’t think it was ever in doubt given that it’s purple, covered in My Little Pony and full of dollies and dressing up clothes, but she announced today that she would like the sign put up. She understands where the DIY skills lie in this house and spoke to her Mammy. The job has, however, been passed to Daddy to add his never ending to do list. Interestingly when E spoke to me about the job she explained that I needed to go into the garage and get a jackhammer and a needle. I can only assume she meant a hammer and a nail but I might try to use her suggested tools just for the banter! 🔨 
2. We have worked hard to get E back on the #HomeSchooling path and managed to convince her to do some work today on her online apps. I also sat down with her at lunchtime to do some reading and she picked one of her new books. It is called Goat in a Boat. I think I’d quite enjoy writing children’s books – random rhymes and no real storyline seems to be the main criteria. I enjoyed the introduction of a Moat and a Stoat to the story as well as Oats as the Goat’s favourite food. This makes my top 5 however because of my conversation with E this evening. I said to her “We are going to FaceTime Grandma now and you know what she’s going to ask, don’t you?”
“No. What?”
“She will ask if you’ve done schoolwork today and worked hard. So make sure you tell her you’ve been really good and done a lot.”
“You mean lie?” 😳
3. M is picking up new words every day and doesn’t stop making noise from the moment he wakes up (5.15am today) until he finally falls asleep. The whining and crying is not so enjoyable but his chattering is so much fun. I really don’t know where my kids get their love of talking. He has his numbers to 13 and has now added Cake, Food, Sorry, Please, Thank You and Bye Bye. He is incredibly affectionate and loves to give cuddles to everyone he spends any time with. We often find him and Emma cuddling or dancing. His kisses are something else however. The open mouth and copious amounts of dribble makes for quite an unpleasant experience which he might want to work on before he starts dating! 🤤
4. We had a surprise visit today from our nephew W who had hoped to get his hands on Steph’s old iPhone. No one had told us he was cycling over otherwise we could have told him that the kids had hijacked the phone and he could’ve saved his legs. But it was nice to see him as we’ve missed him over the last 15 weeks. A definite highlight for me was when he first arrived and knocked on the living room window. Steph looked over and saw a shaggy haired young man staring in and did not recognise him at all. I mean his hair is shocking (apparently barber appointment booked for Saturday) but I didn’t think he’d changed that much since we last saw him. I was more worried by the copious amount of Lynx he was wearing – distinctive even from 2 metres! I guess we have his girlfriend to thank for that! 💈
5. We finish where we started. E’s bedroom. When she came through to our room this morning she was rabbiting on about nothing. She then suddenly started talking about her bed being wet. What? And so the inquisition started from her mother – what are you talking about? Have you wet the bed? And so on. We finally got an apparent explanation that she needed to take some milk to her bedroom last night to feed her babies and she didn’t think we would let her so she filled up one of her baby toy bottles with water and hid it in her bed. Inevitably it leaked overnight and sure enough we had a soaking wet sheet. I suppose that was a better explanation than the alternative. Any excuse to get her favourite bedsheets back on her bed! 🛌

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