Which twisted person came up with the concept of Dry January? I mean, I understand that in other years it might be something that would benefit both body and mind, with a real sense of achievement on 1st February, but in 2021 it is just pure torture. I know it’s our own fault for agreeing to do it in the first place but the ultra competitive nature of my wife and I means now neither of us have any intention of failing. Only 7 days to go…
I worry my diary is going to get a tad repetitive at this rate, as home schooling and work continue to take centre stage. Only running a couple of Burns Night themed quizzes this weekend has helped to break up the tedium. We’ve even stopped going shopping and are now relying on online deliveries. The Sainsbury’s man turning up at the house genuinely nearly made it into this week’s top 5, but was narrowly pushed down into 6. So let’s have a look at what came ahead of that!
1. By far the best Christmas present I bought for Steph last year was an Amazon echo dot. The introduction of Alexa into our lives has been a real game changer. Many a morning I have come downstairs to find E talking to “Santa“ or switching on her favourite song (Shotgun by George Ezra as ever). My wife has taken it upon herself to explore all of the various settings and time-saving aspects, making many of our existing devices completely defunct. I have no idea why, but verbally recording a shopping list is apparently better than jotting it down, and setting a timer by hand on the oven is so 2020! The only problem is that the kids hear all of this going on. So this week when E asked if I’d come and watch her do her latest dance I waved her away and told her I was just finishing something up and would be 5 minutes. The next moment I hear her run into the kitchen and say “Alexa, set a 5 minute timer!” Our 5 year old and a disembodied AI system are taking no prisoners! 
2. As with any well managed organisation, my firm has been taking steps to remind all staff about the importance of carrying out workstation assessments, in the new age of enforced remote working. And of course as a diligent individual I have carefully read every email and then promptly ignored the fact I have been sitting on an ill fitting dining room chair for weeks now. The net result of this is that my lower back has finally succumbed and I’ve ended up hobbling around all week. I have now liberated my proper office chair from work so hopefully this situation doesn’t arise again, but not before having to pop a fair bit of ibuprofen and having so much Deep Heat sprayed on that the house smells like my old school changing room! My darling daughter has also now decided that my “bad back” is a sign of old age and wants to know if I’m going to start using a walking stick. I mean, come on! I’m still in my early 30s (loose interpretation I appreciate!) 
3. Mini me has been his usual boisterous self all week, and we continue to feel lucky that he can still go to nursery 3 days a week. They are great at taking him outside but it seems he still has a huge amount of energy to burn off. Sometimes that involves just running around in circles, and sometimes rugby tackling his sister over and over again. This week however his energy has mainly been focused on dressing up. Every. Single. Day. Mainly in princess dresses and high heel shoes. E absolutely loves helping him get ready as it gives her an excuse to put on one of her dresses at the same time. The two of them just turn up in our bedroom to wake us up whilst dressed as Rapunzel and Elsa, or perhaps Aurora and her sidekick butterfly. Every morning is an adventure – never a dull moment when these two are involved! 
4. We received a very exciting email this week, offering my little drama queen (or should that be drama princess) the opportunity to attend a casting day through her performing arts academy. Obviously there is no ongoing cost with this, just the up front fee to cover the day itself and the headshots, plus the management fee they would deduct if any work came of it. Heaven help any director wanting to work with my daughter however – objectively I would say that taking direction probably isn’t her strength. As we are not pushy parents I decided to just ask her if she would be interested at all. Her immediate response was “yes of course Daddy, I want to be famous.” I was pretty surprised by this and asked why. She then screwed up her face, pondered my question for a moment and then replied with “Daddy, what does famous actually mean?” Suffice to say we’ve decided to skip the casting day this year and will reconsider in 2022! 
5. Friday. Oh where to even start? I decided, in my wisdom, to take a days holiday to lead E’s home schooling and give Steph a break. What a doddle I thought and I’d even get a bunch of housework done at the same time. The morning went pretty well, although to be fair most of that involved a Zoom call with Grandma who has been remotely helping with maths and phonics. I got through the spelling test however (full marks!) and made it to lunchtime with only Art and English left to complete. Cocky old me then decided we’d add in a bit of PE and Food Technology so headed up to Broom House Farm for a muddy adventure and a trip to the farm shop. Her report back to her mother was “Daddy got us lost, then got us stuck in the mud and then we had to wade through a river.” A slight exaggeration I think but it was certainly eventful! We got back and tried to get stuck into a lesson on pop art (certainly not my forte) and then it took nearly an hour to write 4 sentences. It was exhausting and infuriating and incredibly stressful. Never has Dry January come so close to being broken so abruptly. But I stayed strong even when Steph suggested I start working on Saturdays instead and take over all future Friday home schooling. I can feel my blood pressure rising just writing about it! When are the schools opening again? 
LawyerLow Diaries 