Well, where did that week go? I know that sometimes weeks disappear in an instant because you are so busy, but in 2020 how am I busy? Nowhere to go and nothing to do except work and get the kids to and from school and nursery. Yet it is once again Sunday night and not just any Sunday night. It is the start of October half term which means the relief of sending E back to school last month is over and we have her 24/7 for 10 days. And it is the full 10 days because the school tagged on an in service day on Friday. I don’t blame them really – I’m not surprised they need a break!
Despite how busy work has been this week, the kids continue to keep us on our toes. During lockdown I seem to have fine tuned my sixth sense of knowing when trouble or danger is afoot. Let’s be honest, it’s normally when M is involved, but I really wouldn’t have it any other way. How is it possible for 2 small children to fill your heart with so much joy and angst at the same time? As usual, they feature heavily in this week’s top 5…
1. We start this week with M’s attempt to burn down our house. I’m certainly not starting small, which might give you an indication of what a week we have had! Now normally Steph and I head to bed at the same time, but if we don’t I’m always up later than her. Well not this week, as I’ve felt exhausted so I headed up shortly before Steph on Tuesday night. I got into bed with my reading lamp on and had a quick flick through my social media as usual. I thought I could smell something strange but then realised I had succumbed to pressure and put the heating on so it would just be the radiators heating up for the first time in 10 months. The smell was getting stronger however and so I got out of bed to check. It was only after I’d given up and headed back into bed having found nothing than I noticed the lamp was billowing out smoke. It turned out that M had stuffed in some nice flammable material, which had been noticed by my wife but she didn’t think to mention. The result was very nearly a large fire but fortunately I managed to unplug the hazard thereby averting disaster. I dread to imagine what his next attempt will entail! 
2. I wondered downstairs one night this week to find the kids playing really nicely together and just in time for the start of their game of hide and seek. Mammy and me were dragged into play and I must confess it was the most fun I’d had in ages! M was so incredible cute at putting his hands over his eyes and counting to 10 whilst his hiding left a lot to be desired as he seemed adamant he would sing at all times and jump out to scare his sister. For her part she did really well at pretending she couldn’t see him (even when he was standing in the middle of the room in basically the only place in the house which couldn’t be described as a hiding place!) Oh how we laughed and it was just a joyous experience in a year which has been so tough. It also reminded me that the simple things in life really are the best! 
3. Mini me has continued to thrive at nursery and I really do enjoy dropping him off and picking him up. Seeing how much he looks forward to going in really does lift my heart and helps to limit any parenting guilt I might feel about having him booked into childcare three days a week. Collection time is always interesting, particularly because of the feedback I get about how he has done that day. I’m slowly learning the euphemisms used by the nursery staff and what they really mean. Here’s some examples of what I heard this week and what I think they were trying to say :
“He really is settling in well” actually means “He really isn’t bothered when you drop him off and he forgets about you within 3 seconds.”
“He certainly is a character” actually means “He’s a right handful and pretty exhausting.”
“He particularly enjoyed the mud kitchen today” actually means “He’s completely filthy and if you find dirt in his mouth, don’t blame us as he did it all himself!”
“He is such a happy child” actually means “He finds everything hilarious and even when we think he’s hurt himself he just laughs and laughs particularly after fooling us into giving him some hugs first!”
They love him really, I’m sure! 
4. E’s very special relationship with food is continuing as is her rather blunt reviews of school dinners. One day this week, she apparently would have tried her broccoli but she didn’t have time and she had to pick between that and cake. So she picked the cake and it was delicious. I’ll confess I completely understood but made clear in my firmest tone that next time she should find time to eat her greens! The next morning I was dragged downstairs before the sun was even up and treated to a make believe cafe experience. Don’t ask me why but there were only three things on the menu: a chicken nugget wrap (pretty safe and expected given it is one of her favourites), soup with mango (oh dear) or pasta with banana (need I say more!?) I suspect chef might also now be crossed off the future career list! 
5. Dear oh dear. Those of a weak disposition might want to stop reading now. My last entry relates to the showers that the kids have started demanding as apparently they are more fun that baths. We have been doing this for a few weeks now and actually they have been going really well. Without incident one might say. Until this week. Sadly. I put the kids in as normal and Steph and I were in the bedroom chatting about nothing in particular. E then called out asking what the “squirly” thing was. I assumed it was perhaps some hair which Steph has a habit of leaving in the shower or maybe, if I was lucky, a spider. She called out again so Steph went to investigate. The noise my wife made at that point is not one I will forget for a long time. I immediately knew we had a serious problem! I’m sorry to report that M had made a deposit, and sadly not of a financial nature. I’m led to believe that this isn’t necessarily uncommon in the bath, but having never experienced it before with either of my offspring, the sight of them both pressed up against the wall watching excrement circulate around my en suite shower tray is not something I am able to push out from my mind. Bless my wife for donning the marigolds and cleaning everything up and I just pray we don’t ever have a repeat performance! 
LawyerLow Diaries 